Entertainment

Dear Elton, First of all, my apologies for not calling you ‘sir,’ but I’m an American and we don’t really go in for all that nobility stuff over on this side of the pond. Don’t fret, however; we still worship celebrities, which is why every single news site I read breathlessly reported your comments regarding Jesus, the Pope and the Catholic Church this week. As a Catholic myself, I have to take issue with a few of the things you said in your Sky News interview – namely, that Jesus Christ would support gay “marriage,” that the traditions of the Catholic Church are “old and stupid,” and that Pope Francis has “stripped [the Church] down to the bare bones” – a development you find “wonderful.” But before I jump into all that, let me back up about eight years to 2006. Back then, in...
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Dear NBC and Jimmy Fallon, I want to start off by saying I'm a huge fan of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. Mr. Fallon is funny. Like, truly funny. The show is definitely one of the funniest late night shows out there right now. When I heard about your gluten free cookbook sketch, I had to check it out for myself. At first, all I could say was ... Wow, that was not funny. It wasn't just because I do have Celiac disease or because I'm oversensitive, either. Instead, the sketch was actually just not funny. I'm still not exactly sure what the joke therein was supposed to be, but I am sure that alienating one out of every 133 Americans is not a very good idea. Making fun of a gluten free cookbook and then smashing a gluten-containing pie in the face of a supposedly gluten-free person...
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Hey Ed, I got your email this week about the exciting news you had to share! You’ve signed your first artist, Jaime Lawson, to your record label, Gingerbread Man Records. You have a record label, let that sink in. Not to mention you gave it the absolute best possible name. With all this excitement, I couldn’t help but reflect on some on major milestones in your career thus far. So I’d like to take some time to remind you of your good doings. 1) Most recently, you sold out Wembley Stadium (which seats 90,000 people)… 3 freakin nights in a row (that’s 270,000 lucky people). I know you wanted to prove to the people in the industry that still don’t take you seriously (bloody idiots they are), that you could. But as a fan always rooting for your success, holy smokes! You’ve worked...
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Goddamnit, we just love to hate the Kardashians. But our reasons for hating on them in the past were simply because of their exceptional life choices – and their whiny high-pitched voices. This reason is a little more legit than hating on Kimye for making a designer baby – or for probably naming their future kid South West. Your lawn is looking awfully nice lately. I mean, did you hear that California is experiencing the biggest drought in history??? Apparently, the Kardashian Mob has decided that the water laws don’t apply to them. Why are we not surprised? Helicopters have recently photographed the neighborhood lawns, showing that the Kardashians are clearly overusing mass amounts of water. All the while, California is experiencing one of the driest years on record, with...
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Regarding my ‘Soundscapes’ experience of Sunday 16th August 2015 Dear Nic, (Gabriele - I’m not going to lay this at your door, seeing as you’ve only just arrived.) I would like to extend to you my congratulations. This is the first time in my 33 years that I can say an art exhibition has left me feeling genuinely angry. The moment that I sat down to watch the utterly patronising 20 minute documentary that ‘explains’ your Soundscapes exhibition, my heart sank. My mood did not improve when I quickly realised that I was probably going to be spat out at the other end well within the subsequent 20 minutes. I feel a burning need to point out what should have been blindingly obvious to everyone involved in creating this exhibition - that the very premise of Soundscapes was...
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Dearest Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris, Just a swift note to say: we get it. You’re in a relationship. You’re in love. Congratulations. But it’s getting to be a little… much. We see you floating around in a swan boat. Very impressive. We see you, Calvin, defending your lady’s honor against the menace that is Zayn Malik. Very chivalrous. We see you, Tay Tay, mouthing those three little words to Calvin on stage. Very cute. The issue is that we’re reaching our Taylor-Calvin saturation point, and we haven’t even heard any collaborations — nor have we managed to come up with a decent couple name. You don’t see Beyoncé and Jay Z showing off their power couple status on social media at every turn. You see Photoshopped thigh gaps, sure, but not relationship bragging. Even though...
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Dear Chris, I really did not want to write this open letter, and would have preferred to speak to you in person, in private. Indeed, ever since the domestic violence incident with Rihanna two years ago, there have been attempts, by some of the women currently or formerly in your circle -- women who love and care deeply about you -- to bring you and I together, as they felt my own life story, my own life experiences, might be of some help in your journey. For whatever reason, that never happened. By pure coincidence, I wound up in a Harlem recording studio with you about three months ago, as I was meeting up with R...
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A lot of people might not be aware of who 'Ali-A' is but to those interested in computer games and especially Call of Duty, he is one of the go-to guys for interesting YouTube content and gameplay. Why is this deserving of a letter you might ask? Well with over 6.5 million followers he has more of a presence than the likes of formulaic pop stars that young kids are told to idolise and he is proof of the potential the internet has for young people to make a name for themselves and make money. I wasn't initially compelled to write a letter about this, not until I overheard a 9-year-old having dinner with his parents in a restaurant in London. The boy said he wanted to start a YouTube channel and that you can make money out of it, at which point his dad snapped "what kind of career is...
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I can still remember the first time our hearts beat as one. There were sparks all over that made me believe in forever. And now, it’s really hard to believe that everything is over. Who would have thought that our fairytale wouldn’t have a happy ending? Who would have thought that this sweet dream will eventually become a nightmare? I didn’t, because I didn’t want it to end that way. Until now, I ask myself, what have gone wrong? Is it the way I speak? Or the way I dress? Did you get tired of me being so clingy? Or did my friends bother you? Or maybe you just realized that we weren’t meant to be? That we were better off parting ways. These questions kept on roaming around my head. There were always questions, questions that up until now are left unanswered. Here I am, in the dark...
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Dear Nic, (Gabriele - I’m not going to lay this at your door, seeing as you’ve only just arrived.) I would like to extend to you my congratulations. This is the first time in my 33 years that I can say an art exhibition has left me feeling genuinely angry. The moment that I sat down to watch the utterly patronising 20 minute documentary that "explains" your Soundscapes exhibition, my heart sank. My mood did not improve when I quickly realised that I was probably going to be spat out at the other end well within the subsequent 20 minutes. I feel a burning need to point out what should have been blindingly obvious to everyone involved in creating this exhibition - that the very premise of Soundscapes was completely flawed from its outset. I am finding it incomprehensible to...
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