An Open Letter to Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris: Hide Your Love Away

Subject: An Open Letter to Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris: Hide Your Love Away
From: Wetpaint
Date: 27 Aug 2015

Dearest Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris,

Just a swift note to say: we get it. You’re in a relationship. You’re in love. Congratulations. But it’s getting to be a little… much.

We see you floating around in a swan boat. Very impressive. We see you, Calvin, defending your lady’s honor against the menace that is Zayn Malik. Very chivalrous. We see you, Tay Tay, mouthing those three little words to Calvin on stage. Very cute.

The issue is that we’re reaching our Taylor-Calvin saturation point, and we haven’t even heard any collaborations — nor have we managed to come up with a decent couple name.

You don’t see Beyoncé and Jay Z showing off their power couple status on social media at every turn. You see Photoshopped thigh gaps, sure, but not relationship bragging.

Even though it seems like you, Calvin, are not buying your lady love a Scottish castle after all, it’s totally something that you would do — and then the two of you would Instagram it.

Also, hello, Calvin, why haven’t you bought your lady love a Scottish castle? You’re dating Taylor freakin’ Swift.

And what will happen if you break up? Won’t all of this look a tad foolish? Won’t it be hard to expunge each other from your social media history? Take it from Britney Spears, who had to laboriously have one of her minions delete any mention of Charlie Ebersol.

We’re not hoping you break up. In fact, Calvin, you should be terrified by the idea. You better treat Taylor like a queen — castle and all — because you know she’ll write a diss track the context of which we’ll have to pretend not to know.

We’re just saying to close the book of your “Love Story” every once in a while. And Taylor, please share more photos of your cats.

Love always (and we don’t need Instagram to show it),
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