Dear Boss,
A big month ahead of us, wouldn’t you say, Gaffer? The Hammers entertain us over the weekend, and then Burnley turn up for a mid-week romp. Still, a cursory glance at our fixtures this month would tell you that we could very well walk into March having won five on the trot.
Before you fly off the handle, boss, bemoaning my impudence, let me say something. This is a very academic exercise, reserved for the inner recesses of my mind – a happier place where I actually have the balls to write you a letter. Which is why concerns of language have been thrown out the window – the idea is to express my thoughts free of any boundaries that would exist in real life.
Now that we have that out of the way, let me return to a quite glorious prospect – 12 points from four Premier...
Sport
Dear Rafa,
I'm writing to you today just weeks after writing to your brutal boss Roman Abramovich (it still amazes me that he thought you were more than an apt replacement for our legendary Roberto Di Matteo) and I'd like to notify you that I will be praying for the club to decide against extending your contract when the summer comes.
I thought I'd bring to your attention the fact that the fans do not like you. The reason I'm doing this is only because you are either a) thick-skinned enough to simply ignore the boos that ring around Stamford Bridge or b) hard of hearing and therefore require a hearing aid.
Unlike many other Chelsea fans, I was quite satisfied to see you take the reigns at Stamford Bridge. Of course, I was still smarting from the manner in which Di Matteo departed...
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Dear Gus,
I remember my first experience of the Stadium of Light. It was the magnificent Niall Quinn-Kevin Phillips era.
Sunderland steamrollered teams with their high-energy, passionate football under Peter Reid.
One year they were in second place in January and had a showdown with leaders Manchester United.
The noise, the anticipation, the hope. It was the high watermark of the modern era on Wearside. But that’s “living in the past”, like you said.
Living in the present has become painful. This season, watching Sunderland is a drag.
BPIAnthony Reveillere of Sunderland rues a missed chance on goal
Two home league wins means that usually I walk away from the Stadium of Light drained of inspiration, frustrated, with an empty feeling. And I get paid to watch.
This was...
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Dear Danny Ainge,
Man, I seriously don't know what to think of you. There are times when I like you and times where I absolutely fucking hate you. I credit you for bringing the Big 3 together and bringing us Banner 17, but I also credit you for the demise.
I don't think we needed a complete rebuild but maybe some tweaks. First, you trade Paul Pierce who is Boston. He could've been a lifer like Dirk, Kobe, and Timmy but you ruined his legacy. He could've been a good piece with this year's playoff team. You could've had him for a 16th year here rather than a forgettable year in Brooklyn. KG and Ray were good pieces too but it looked rocky since you were trying to trade Ray since 09. KG was always a good piece too but I know he's a T-Wolf at heart.
Then you get rid of Doc and Rondo...
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Dear Gary Bettman, Commissioner of the National Hockey League, Tom Renney, President and CEO of Hockey Canada, and David Branch, President of the Canadian Hockey League;
Canadians have always seen themselves as fair minded and tolerant people. Studies conducted by various sources (e.g. Canadian Human Rights Commission, Ekos Research Associates, Ipsos Reid, etc.), however, show that racism remains a fact of life in Canada. What’s more, it’s prevalent in all aspects of society. Even the “sport of hockey” is not immune from the disease that is racism.
Messrs. Bettman, Renney and Branch, racism in all its forms in hockey is often overlooked, downplayed or underrated as a critical issue. As noted in the Annex (History of Racial Incidents in Hockey - https://www.dropbox.com/s/...
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Dear Sir / Madam,
On behalf of the committee of the Melton Warriors Rugby Union Club, I would like to introduce you with the opportunity of becoming a sponsor of rugby union, in Melton.
2015 Marks the 40th anniversary of the Melton Rugby Union Football Club and our aim with the current committee is to renew our reputation as a family friendly club, that will continue to grow and become an integral part of the Melton community and provide an ongoing opportunity for Rugby enthusiasts to play the game.
With support from the Victorian Rugby Union...
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Dear Sean Taylor,
I want to thank you. I know you’re gone and we as football fans miss you but everyday you continue to inspire me day in and day out.
I’m a Hurricane fan to death and you were by far my favorite player to dawn the orange and green that few get to. Every time I watch the tributes and the highlights I tear up, we all know that you were taken to soon and we know that we’ll never get to see you hit another receiver again.
Though it may seem almost contradictory, you’ve connected with football fans even though you rarely talked to the media. Through the interviews I’ve watched, you’ve been one of the most humble and everyone loved you.
When players like Clinton Portis is worried that they’ll lost their job to a freshman running back and are surprised that you’re...
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Dear Straussy,
Hi, mate. I know that you are really upset with me and won’t like the fact that I addressed you like a pal. But I really don’t care. I never did.
All I cared about was me because only I deserve my attention – the rest of you are much too inferior for that privilege.
The other day I smacked 355* runs in a first-class game and created news. Almost every sensible England fan wants me back in the team because of the pathetic condition it is in. With the Ashes up ahead, they can’t be blamed.
But you came out and made it clear that I won’t get called up to the team. Do you realize how it feels to hear something like that after hitting a rollicking innings like the one I smashed? Oops. No, you don’t. For that, you have to make 355* first, or even 300 for that matter –...
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Stevie... I had the honour to play with you, not for long but still an amazing and unforgettable experience for me.
You are a great man and a cool captain! It is a pleasure to leave free-kicks and penalties to you.
I wish you all the best for your next venture and your family. You deserve the best.
Good luck my friend,
Mario Balotelli
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Dear Luminaries,
First, I’d like to reiterate my support for all the work everyone is doing to infuse new energy into the sport we love. Since we’re in what I feel is a new phase, inevitable questions have been raised, specifically having to do with rules and what truly makes and defines our game. Fair questions all. As such I’d like to offer a proposal and possible solution that may be OK with most of us.
As we all know, our sport has a couple of accepted variations, bucket and no bucket. More recently, some of us have chosen to play some sets with new rules (lets on serve, receivers’ option, fences, overhead serves etc.). The big question I’ve been hearing from everyone is, what rules are we going to adopt as the ‘official rules of Pop Tennis?’. I believe we’re asking the wrong...
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