Sport

Dear Ottawa Senators, Just couldn't let this season end without offering up a genuine and heartfelt thanks for what you've given this city. From diehard Sens' fans, late-to-the-game fans like myself -- and most everyone else who just loves the team -- this has been an incredible ride. It was your ride, of course, but we all watched from the sidelines, cheering you on with every play. No one wanted the season to end this soon. But in truth, you guys gave us far more enjoyment than was ever expected, more nail-biting, edge-of-our-seat moments and times of sheer pride. So, many thanks."‹ This has been an absolutely amazing season -- and something incredibly special for this city. The story could make a movie -- a going-nowhere team that most everyone had discounted...
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Dear Vincent, One of the worst seasons in the history of Cardiff City FC finishes after Saturday’s match at Nottingham Forest. For the club’s vast army of fans, so many of them disillusioned and disengaged, the end cannot come quickly enough. Nine months ago, back on a sunny August day, the Bluebirds you spent a fortune in assembling were quite rightly ranked as overwhelming favourites to bounce straight back up into the Premier League. David Marshall, Fabio, Bruno Manga, Sean Morrison, John Brayford, Anthony Pilington, Kagisho Dikgacoi, Mats Daehli, Ravel Morrison, Peter Whittingham, Kenwyne Jones, Adam Le Fondre, Federico Macheda, Javi Guerra. Lots more on top, too. This group of players – dubbed ‘the best in Championship history’ – couldn’t fail, could they? The misery of...
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Dear UGA fans, Let me first say that this is 100% honest, and accurate to the best of my knowledge. I genuinely hope that UGA and /r/CFB fans don’t get upset about the contents of this “letter,” as it is intended to be a genuine request for those fans who frequent /r/cfb, and who I know to be – for the most part – class acts. Please – PLEASE – read this, and correct these wrongs when you see them happen in Athens. I know /r/cfb regulars enjoy posts about how fanbases are good hosts, but this is sadly not one of those posts. The experience we (my group of friends) had in Athens this weekend was – in a word – awful. Not because of the game, but because of the way we were treated. I am asking UGA fans to remedy this as best they can in future games. First, it’s important to detail...
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Dear Stanley, Hey, man. Tough loss against Wisconsin in the Elite Eight. Losing any game in the NCAA Tournament is difficult, but I know being that close to the Final Four only to be sent back to Tuscon after some sick Sam Dekker shots hit nylon increases the pain exponentially. I’m sure the competitor in you is screaming for another shot at the Badgers which would’ve given your Wildcats squad the chance to end the other Wildcats squad’s perfect season. You wanted to play spoiler on your way to a title, and it didn’t happen. That’s okay. But please, for the love of Isaiah Austin, don’t let that painful feeling stick with you in your quest to decide whether or not to declare for the NBA Draft. According the CBSSports.com’s Jon Rothstein, you are having a tough time deciding if...
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Dear CFL Fans: Thank you for your patience and understanding during our contract talks with our players. Out of respect for our players and the negotiation process, we have had little to say in public. But now that the talks have reached a critical juncture, I want to provide you, the most important people in the CFL, with an update. Today, we have directly communicated to CFL players the full details of our offer to them. It is fair and reasonable. It would increase the average player salary by 12 per cent this season, to $92,917. It would increase the minimum player’s salary by 11 per cent this season, to $50,000. It would increase the salary cap by nine per cent this season from $4.4 million to $4.8 million per team. More increases would come over the life of an agreement...
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Dear Mr Capello, I understand from my sources in the media (in this case articles published in national newspapers) that the England football team is facing something of a goalkeeper crisis. Two seasoned professionals who have had the honour of donning the shirt in the past have apparently indicated that they no longer wish to be considered for selection. As you will well know, goalkeeper is not so much a specialist as a unique position and thus pickings are comparatively scarce. I am writing to inform you that I stand able and ready to fill the void. I first kept goal at the tender age of 8, several years before current contenders (other than dear old David “Calamity” James) first donned a latex glove. It has been some time since I last wore a latex glove - in a footballing...
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Dear England Football Squad, Now, as you may know, I am not really a fan of football but I did, by chance, catch the second half of the Ecuador game and some of the Portugal game. I know that it seems presumptious, but I was wondering if I could offer you a spot of advice? When you run down the wing, please don't pass the ball into the centre if there is no England player there. This particularly applies to you, Wayne, when you are playing as the only forward: if you have the ball, there won't be another forward in the centre because you are it!* If there is no England player there, then you are simply going to give it to the opposing team, and they aren't going to obligingly kick it into their own fucking goal now, are they? No, Wayne, they aren't. This may seem really basic...
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Dear England fans, I am sorry for what happened yesterday. I am sure it wouldn’t have been easy. Seeing a team, as fancied as yours, getting knocked out of a showpiece event would make your summers quite hard to negotiate. But let’s not talk too much about next summer. Let’s talk about the present. It must be slightly unnerving seeing a team managed by the Clown. You couldn’t be blamed for it, could you? After all you were clamouring for a foreign manager, after the sacking of Sven. Or was it English? Bah! I forget. Let me start over. England, under the Clown, started brightly but then fizzled out thanks to some clowning around with the formations. (One might think clowning around to be but a natural progression for a… erm… clown) But then wouldn’t it be a little mean of us to be...
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Dear Fans, Hi. I'm Paul, but you can call me Mr Downton. You might remember me from the bank, which, regrettably for you, I no longer work at. You didn't meet me recently - I keep my interactions with people outside cricket as infrequent as possible - but earlier this week some of the gentlemen of the press started going on at me about public dissatisfaction and the welfare of the England cricket team. But what mattered to me wasn't public dissatisfaction or the welfare of the England cricket team; it was my pride and ego, so I didn't address those questions. Which is a shame, because the points you weren't able to make do actually deserve answers. Although not - and I can't emphasise this enough - as much as I deserve not to have to eat any humble pie, especially as it's been going...
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Dear Committee, Thank you for your open letter sent to me through the media so I have little alternative but to reply in the same fashion through the media. My solicitors have advised that I cannot meet with you, nor respond to the details of your open letter at this time, as I am in the middle of a legal action against your chairman, who has made serious, false, misleading and defamatory allegations against me personally, as well as against Karl which have been widely publicised. These allegations by your Chairman include: - Asset stripping Blackpool Football Club; - Misappropriating Blackpool Football Club funds; - Taking huge personal profits on land owned by Blackpool Football Club. These allegations are untrue. If your chairman had examined the accounts of...
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