Frank,
You finally did it. You finally followed through with your therapist's recommendation of cutting contact with your toxic father and his toxic, sycophant wife.
Going no contact with your abuser and his enabler/flying monkey has been very difficult for you. Your father is your only surviving parent and the timing of your loving grandfather's passing has made this transition more traumatic.
You will heal. Your father on the other hand, will always be a narcissist. As you have said, his malignant narcissism has worsened with age.
Remember when we thought it was just "bad" that your father was bitter about your growing independence? How envious he would get when you would participate in new activities and travels that he hasn't experienced? If you participated in those adventures with him, instead of with me, it wouldn't have been a problem.
We can laugh about it now.
What we can't laugh about was how your low self-esteem, ptsd, stress, anxiety and conflict avoidance almost ended our marriage. The less contact you had with your father and your father's wife, the more relaxed you seemed and our relationship would flourish!
I know you feel pity for your step-mother, even though you don't call her that. You call her "Wendy". Frank, you will never be like your father. The sympathy you have shown for Wendy is evidence of how compassionate and empathetic you are.
On the night your grandfather passed, you tried one last time to reason with her. You tried to get Wendy to look at her situation critically even though she enabled and rationalized your father's maltreatment of you.
I could go on.
You are protecting me, yourself and especially our son from these malicious people. Your future self will thank you.
Thank you.
Love Always,
Me
