Sadness. Tears. Trembling. Shaking. It's the kind of sadness that makes you tremble. It's the kind of sadness that makes your bones and your muscles ache. You’ve never experienced such a thing until he left. One month ago he left you. But what he didn’t take with him is the memories, the feeling of his lips intertwined with yours or the way his skin pressed against yours, or the way your hands fit perfectly in his. What he did take with him was what he stole from you. The way his hands touched parts of you that you wouldnt allow anyone else to come near. Baby, i promise he didnt use you for that. Let go of the feeling of the way his words stuck to your brain. You will never be able to do anything the same. When you go to the grocery store youll get a sinking feeling when you look at the cookie dough remembering that one time you guys made cookies and watched movies all day or maybe youll come across the chip aisle remembering what chip bag he grabbed every time you guys would go to the store. Just maybe when you're back to school shopping you will come across his favorite style shirt or maybe a hat you knew he would have loved but you don't get the opportunity to surprise him with random gifts.
One day you’ll be driving down the road and see him walking or maybe youll see someone in his family driving and trust me, it will tear you apart. He's gonna get a new girl one day and you're gonna see them together and it's gonna tear you apart piece by piece. Whatever you do don't block them. Just unfollow them otherwise they will know you're hurt by the pictures and the captions you use to post of you two and they will take advantage of that. One day you're gonna go out to eat with some friends and you're gonna see his family and if you're lucky enough, youll run into him and trust me. Whatever you do, don't go running back. Don't start a conversation. It will destroy you and it will only make matters worse. You're gonna want to text him but im telling you not to. The minute you send that one message you're letting your guard down and letting him know that you're in a vulnerable state and he can do anything to take advantage and control you right now and you don't want that to happen. Right now you're in a vulnerable state but the only person that can know that is you and only you. Baby, don't let them take over your body. Once people know you are they will do all they can to control you and mess with your head. You will go home and you will instantly feel weak and your knees will give out and you will collapse onto your bed burying your head into the pillows his head once laid on and you will feel miserable like theres nothing but the weight of the world on your chest suffocating you. You will have a hard time falling asleep that night knowing you no longer have him. You will have nightmares for a while of you guys and all the good times you guys had and yes, nightmares. They are nightmares because they no longer make you happy. They only scare you.
You will wake up the next morning in a puddle of sorrow and tears from the night before. Your eyes puffy and bright red. You will force yourself into putting on your makeup. Remembering how he would always tell you that you looked beautiful without it but now you cant even wrap the thought of being beautiful around your head with or without makeup. Youll force yourself to wear the clothes he told you that you looked beautiful in Youll walk into school hoping that your friends will be right there to cheer you up but no ones around so you walk with your drooping shoulders, bags under your eyes, messy makeup and dark colored clothing hoping no one will talk to you that day. You pop your earbuds in and instantly click the playlist ‘life sucks’ on spotify because even thinking about happy songs makes your stomach twist and turn at the thought of knowing you and him would jam to those songs in the kitchen while making lunch. Youll fake a smile through the day and when people come around you, you quickly turn around and walk the other way or make the corners of your lips spread from ear to ear just to make sure that no one will ask whats wrong hoping that it wont make the tears start running down your face again. Youll check the clock every five minutes hoping it's time to go home but the day just feels like time’s going backwards. And finally the clock strikes 3:25 and you grab all your stuff and run out the door. Youll race to the car to get out of the school parking lot so you can go home and feel miserable again.
The instant you get home youll quickly collapse on your bed with the box of tissues and the blanket he got you a couple months earlier. Trust me, it just starts all over and you're gonna go through the same thing for the next couple weeks. It never gets better. Everyone will tell you it gets better but it doesn't. You just kind of get use to the miserable feelings and dreading waking up the next day. Everyday youll wake up with the same empty feeling in the bottom of your stomach. Youll lose your appetite and you wont want to eat but please baby, eat. Don't let his absence take a toll on your health. Every night youll go to bed wondering why you werent enough for him to stay, yeah you made mistakes but so did he. Every morning youll wake up hoping to see a text from him saying somewhere along the lines of “i miss you” to “im coming home” but baby, don't let your guard down. Everyday youll go to class and kids will make fun of you as they have for the past couple months and make jokes of your relationship and youll have to drop the bomb that you two no longer will continue your relationship and that will make the kids feel bad about the jokes they have just spoken. Baby, let him go. He's not coming home. His curfew was a couple weeks ago and baby let me tell you he ran away.
