Dear CeLLo 12,
"It's not you're fault"....you'll be okay... God is in Control".
It's 2:34 pm. You've just woke up. It's November 2nd, 2007. This day.....this random Friday....You'll never forget. Also, your nickname, CeLLo 12. You'll never go by this again. Who am I? I'm CeLLo KTBT. I'm the *5th chapter in the book of *you; 9 years into the future. I know you're wondering what the KTBT stands for...that answer will present itself tonight....Tonight...is why I'm writing this letter. I know what your about to read is beyond belief but I'm hear to let you know that "It's not you're fault". ...you'll be okay... God is in Control".
Tonight at about 10pm, while you're back in Middlesex for Family Day and O-fest, you're going to get a phone call that Slim has been hit by a car...and CeLLo 12...he won't be able to shake this one off. What I'm saying is, this will be the last time he's alive on this earth. He will have gained his wings and flown high into the clouds...I know you're not comprehending what I'm saying. Differently stated: Slim Thug aka Da Fresh Prince of VA aka Fresh 2 Death aka Joshua M. Halstead...you're best friend you've know since elementary...your brother... will no longer be with us anymore. "It's not you're fault"...you'll be okay... God is in Control".
I know you're in shock, ready to break down, and you have a million questions but I need you to focus and listen to me.
"It's not your fault".
Halloween - Wednesday, you decided to change the plans you guys had set in stone a month in advanced. You were supposed to head home, yesterday (Thursday), for the homecoming football game and hit the dance afterwards. Instead, you let the "freshmen" college life get to you. You decided to go to the movies with a girl instead. You'll remember when you called Slim and asked him if he minded. You'll remember the tone of his voice as he said he didn't mind but you knew he wanted you guys to stick to the plan. After tonight, You'll hear many stories of everyone saying, "I just saw him, I should've did this, I should've did that". Deep down inside you're going to feel guilty because you know that if you would've stuck to the plan, this wouldn't have happened. You're going to reflect on this for a long time, thinking that it started with you... You're exact thoughts will be: Before anyone had a chance to do "this or that", it was me that changed the plans... on my brother... a few days before...for a girl...."It's not you're fault"....you'll be okay... God is in Control".
I know how you're feeling right now CeLLo 12. There's soooooooooo much I could say about the person you will become in the future but you won't understand now...and now, it's not the time to get down on yourself. You're the strongest person I know and tonight you're going to prove it to yourself! When you get the call tonight, you'll tell your family the news in disbelief. It'll be as if you think he just got a small cut on his hand or something. That second plate of food you just made will have to wait. You'll speed up the county to Town Bridge Road. The cops will tell you that this is an "active crime scene" when you approach them and wont let you in. It won't register to you what that means. "Something doesn't sound right", Charles will say. It still won't register in your mind. Kendrick and Charles will be with you, but when it comes time, you will have to do this on your own. In an attempt to by pass the cops, you'll head to the back entrance of the road. You'll meet his Grandpa there at the same time. He'll be hysterical so you will need to calm him down. Trust yourself at this time. You have the right words to say. When he gets calm, convince the cop to let one of you in. He will say no at first but you'll find that you have a way with words; continue to convince him. Eventually, the cop will be willing to let one of you into the scene. You're going to have to make a choice...Let Grandpa go instead of you, even though you will want it to be you. Grandpa will speed into the scene. At this point, there aren't any options left. Go back to the Town Bridge Road entrance. (just wait) You will try to run past the cops but It won't work. (just wait) Don't worry about the phone you threw in frustration. Charles will get it for you. (just wait) When he brings your phone back, Grandpa will be on the line. He's waiting for you by the cops at the entrance. It'll be later that you'll realize that because you put aside your feelings, for Grandpa's feelings, Grandpa returned the favor and got you into the scene. When he meets you at the entrance to the site, he will hug you tight. Hug him back tightly because It'll be the last time you'll see Grandpa as well..."It's not you're fault". ...you'll be okay... God is in Control".
When you walk past the abundance of police lights, into the scene, a "dark cloud" will begin to shadow you. It'll be something you can't physically see/something you can't explain...but you will feel it. Don't be afraid of this. You will use it as motivation in the future. When you meet his mom next to the ambulance, she will be out of character. Be patient with her. She's stronger than she knows at this point in time.
(Later, you will have to tell little bro what happened. He wont be at the scene when you get there. You won't have the words to say until the moment you say them. When you tell him, pay attention to him closely. He's young and wont comprehend everything but you will see a spark of "something"). <--That sentence won't make sense to you now but in the future, it will. "It's not you're fault"....you'll be okay... God is in Control".
This next part is important CeLLo 12. There's going to come a point in time, when that strength I was talking about earlier is going to start to rise up in you. It'll happen right after Mom says, "They won't pick his body up off the ground until I leave". She will leave, everyone will leave, and it'll just be you and the paramedics. When they pick his body up off the ground, you'll want to stretch your hands out and say "Bless you." Say it and don't feel awkward for doing that even though the paramedics will be looking at you like you're crazy. You'll be the last one left at the scene when they leave. The moon will be the only thing that will provide light to the road. You'll go over to where your brother laid and kneel down. You will say a prayer. It'll be a prayer like nothing you've ever spoken before and will come from a place deep within. The words you will say, you will never forget. When you're finished, you will have realized that you were crying while you were speaking and you didn't even know it. That prayer will change you....I don't want to spoil it for you but 9 years in the future, you will have accomplished 4 out of the 6 key things you will pray about tonight.
It'll be a slow walk back to his house CeLLo 12. It'll be okay to cry then, no one will be around... "It's not you're fault". ...you'll be okay... God is in Control".
It'll be a long night/morning for you. Middlesex wont be the same after this. It'll become foreign to you for awhile. It'll feel empty. Truth is, you will never have a friend like that. You'll learn that they're limited to once in a life time. Don't worry though, God has called Slim home but will put two in the place of one. In the spring of your sophomore year of college, you'll cross paths with two guys. Those two guys will bring you out of that depression and "back to life". There names are Trayo and Baba. Keep an eye out for them. They'll become closer than most of your family. You'll make many new relationships. With that, comes the failure of old relationships. Don't fight that. Understand that you've got a big heart CeLLo 12 and it is pure. Own it and don't be ashamed. Where you're going in life, people need to know that you're real and can relate. "It's not you're fault"....you'll be okay... God is in Control".
Before I go CeLLo 12, I just wanted to give you some advice and insight. Josh's memorial service will be on the 10th of next week. You wont want to go but you need to. There are people there that will need you to uplift them. There are people there that need to hear what you have to say...When this happens, do not get bitter by the fact that you're the one who will provide comfort to those who need it during this time, and they will not be able to provide it back to you. It's not their fault. You're going to learn that God has placed you in the "spot light" for MANY reasons. Accept it. It'll be overwhelming at times but you've known tough all you're life. Muscle up! (literally, you will) The "answers" you need, they can not help you with. You're "answers" will come from your nieces and nephews. It's 2016 now and you have 13 of them. Congrats Uncle CeLLo. Continue to be strong, they're watching you!
After tonight, you wont attend the next nine Oyster Festivals. You won't even visit his memorial site. People will ask you about it and it'll bother you. Especially in the first three years. Stay patient. That time will come.I know this news sucks CeLLo 12 but I'd rather you hear it from me than anyone else. Josh is going to call you in an hour. You're going to miss that phone call but don't dwell on it for so long. He'll text you when he gets to O-fest. Remember what y'all talked about last night? Ironically, it will come into play today. You should hurry up and leave soon to beat that tunnel traffic. You know it sucks on the weekends. Don't forget to grab your phone charger too. Everyone will be at the house when you get there. Even Kendrick! <-- (He's supposed to be a surprise) I know you haven't seen him in awhile. Oh! When you stop to get gas in Yorktown and see that Dodge Challenger, don't say, "I wish I had one". Say, "I will have one, one day." lol
Remember CeLLo 12, "It's not you're fault"...you'll be okay... God is in Control".
Proverbs 3:5-6
