I love you and I miss you and my brother and sisters but it hurts that through all of this you have nothing to say to me. To me that is you 100% taking his side. Which is pretty messed up, to support the man who is purposely hurting your kids. Do you even know what happened that day? Did he tell you he really started to get angry when I actually stood up for myself for once? Did he tell you when I tried to leave because he was becoming aggressive he wouldn't let me he told me to sit down, shut up, and do what I was told? Did he tell you he pushed me and that I had to climb out your bedroom window to leave? Did he tell you he called me a whore multiple times and threatened the only man in my life who has truly loved me unconditionally?
Have you seen all the mean texts he has sent his daughter, well I'm going to attach them anyways. I had him blocked the first couple weeks on my phone and so these aren't even all the ones he has sent, because I didn't even receive all of them and I know there is more. Anyone who I have showed these texts to, without any of my commentary, is in awe that my own father would say such things, because it is messed up and for the first time in my life I realize just how messed up it is because for the first time in my life I know what love really is and I honestly don't think that Dad does. Because if you love someone you do everything to avoid hurting them rather saying things to purposely hurt them. It doesn't matter that it is not physical hurt because if someone who is supposed to love you says something as mean as some of the things he has said over the years, the effect is just as bad as being hit. Some of the things I have even heard him say to you even, I know that my boyfriend would never ever say to me because no matter how angry it is never OK to be talked to like that.
Even my boyfriend's mother is appalled at the things Dad has said because even though my boyfriend and his brother did some pretty dumb things they were never called anything like stupid, dumb or idiot and that is a regular thing for dad to say. And it is not like you guys were dealt bad kids, I didn't do anything you guys would have disapproved of while I lived in that house and now as an adult to put it bluntly I can do whatever I want. But you already lost my older brother and now there is this and even my sister is now miserable at that house and wants to leave. And unlike what dad says, it isn't our fault it is his, he is driving us all away with his anger and negativity. A child should not be afraid of their father.
I hope you can see how messed up it all is but I really don't blame you if you don't, you yourself haven't had good male models of love and I'm not sure you even know better like I didn't know better until I learned what love really is like thanks to my boyfriend who loves me unconditionally for who I am and shows me everyday by treating me like a Queen 24/7 and even when we do argue, even though it is rare, he amazes me with the grace, patience and understanding he handles it with, part of me at the beginning expected him to start yelling and hurt me until I realized that that is not what you do when you love someone. If you have heard the song "Piece by Piece" by Kelly Clarkson, it made me cry because of how fitting it was to my situation. Anyways the purpose of this message is to cauterize the wound that that dad's treatment and your silence has caused and end it. Now I am completely done with dad. I have him blocked everywhere and frankly never want to talk to him again.
At this point I am more likely to talk to my biological dad because at least he hasn't tried to purposely hurt me. I honestly don't see myself wanting to talk to him again, because I don't need that negativity in my life and as an adult I can choose who I want in my life where as a child I could not choose my dad. He has hurt me enough and even if he did say sorry, which he didn't, it would no longer work as compensation for all the emotional damage he has caused. Even he says if you are sorry you won't do it again and I don't care what you think, he is emotionally abusive and manipulative. I have no more energy to forgive or love such a negative person anymore. Now this doesn't mean I'm cutting you out, I still love you and would like to see you but if you don't want to have me in your life anymore or can't because I am cutting dad out of my life then that is just how it has to be.
It would suck because I would love to have you in my life especially because I still have so much to experience that I would like you to be a part of like getting married and having my own kids. But if I have to do those things without you I will, yeah it hurts me but I have so much of my life to live and I know with all the love that I get from my boyfriend I will be able to move on eventually. But yeah I'm just done with all of this, and there is no hope for redemption for dad he is way beyond that point. I know my siblings will reach out to me when she can which might be sooner rather than later because they have told me how she feels and I miss them so much it hurts but I have to go on with my life as I have so much more of it to live. Also I do plan on reaching out to my older brother because even though the way he went about things was wrong I finally understand where he was coming from. Emotional abuse is a strong word but it is a real thing and I didn't really understand that before. The things that Dad has said to me will leave scars on my heart but I know they will heal with the love and support of my boyfriend and his family. I love you and I hope to hear at least something from you even if is that you don't want me in your life, the choice is up to you. But I hope you won't continue to just stand and watch as he drives children away from you.
