To Me

I am Broken. As in "I", I mean we, because I am writing to myself. We've been through a lot in this 20 years we have called our life. Half of that time you were with our mother, and the other half I was with my father. I say you and I as if we are different people. Well, truth is we are different. You were a child, a scared and very hurt child. You endured a lot in just the first 10 years of your life. But, if you had not been through all of the pain and agony, I would not be the same person that I am. I would not be as wise. It's not all good though. If you hadn't have seen so much, or had such a hard childhood, then I would not have been depressed. I would not have gone through middle school and high school always thinking of ways I could kill myself. I would not have overdosed on pills in an attempt to kill myself my freshman year, just a few months after my uncle had passed. I was 14 and I thought if I was gone I could no longer hurt.
I am Broken. I hated myself for so many years. You as a child couldn't hate yourself. But as you got older, you shaped into me. Me, this young adult, with a twisted outlook on life. I couldn't trust people because of what you had been through. I thought everyone had intentions to hurt me. I thought nobody could ever love me. I pushed everyone away. My closest friends weren't actually that close. I told them what I wanted them to know, and I hung out with them just to pass time. Eventually, I was able to tell them some of our secrets. Some of the things that have made us the way that we are. Some people though we wanted pity. Some people said we were lying. None of those people mattered though. I found people who cared for me and loved me just the way that I was. As a child you found a few people, but none of them knew our secrets. And when you moved, none of them stuck around.
We were Broken. I say "were" because I am in a much better place now. I feel as if I can handle anything life throws in my direction. I no longer go day to day wishing I could die. I no longer hate my life. I no longer dread waking up each day and having to deal with people. I am not afraid of what people are going to do to me. I no longer care if someone doesn't like me, I have all the people that really matter to me. I pushed away a very important person, but I am working on fixing that still. I have another important person that I am trying very hard to make sure I don't push away.
We may have been through a lot in our 20 years of life, but life isn't over yet, and it has made us very strong. We are 1 person, who somehow have 2 very different halves, that have blended very well together to become this not so perfect but very wonderful person.
I am happy to say that I love this person we have become. We were shattered, Broken into many pieces, and now we are not. We put ourself back together and we are ready to conquer anything.
Sincerely, The UnBroken