Dear Bonnie,
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you. For the little bit of my existence, I try not only to live for myself, but to live the life that you never got the chance to live. Even though I never got the opportunity to know you Bon, I want you to know that you will always hold a special place in my heart. You'll always be that one person that I would love to sit down and have a multiple hour long conversation with at some random coffee shop talking about random things. I'm sorry that we'll never be able to do that. I want you to be proud of me and who I have become. I wish that I could've at least seen you with my own eyes, it would've been something I cherished for the rest of my life.
Just because I never saw you doesn't mean that I don't love you, because I do, so damn much. I'm sorry that you were taken so early and I'm sorry that you couldn't experience the world from your own point of view. You know sometimes, I think about what your voice sounds like and what college you would have wanted to go to. I think things would be so much easier if you were here, but like I've known since day one, you aren't. I talked to Haleigh about you when she was younger and the smile on her face when I did would make you happy without a doubt, I know it.
Mom hardly talks about you anymore because I think deep down, she can't. I've learned that it's very hard to talk about someone that is no longer here and I'm sure if it were a child, it would be much much harder. She doesn't talk about you that much yes, but I know that she loves you. I used to cry thinking about you, but now thinking about you brings me happiness because I know that you're in a better place. Although being down here with us, your family, I think would be better for you but we'll see you eventually, I pinky-promise.
Writing this and letting all of my tears fall as they may was harder than I originally thought, but I'm very glad that I did. As of right now, we all are doing well and I am thankful for that after all the hardships I've faced. Keep looking after us. Tell Grandma hi for me and I love you. Goodbye Bonnie.
Yours Truly,
-C
