Lifestyle

Dear America, I know we have never been close, you know, with our borders separated by great expanses of Canadian wilderness and the roiling waves of the Pacific. It hasn’t helped that we don’t have much in common—you, always agonizing about first world problems, and us, always working tirelessly just to stay warm. You might not realize this, but when we travel to America–yes, we call you that—we oftentimes experience culture shock. The concrete and skyscrapers are as extraordinary as Panamanian jungles. It is really no surprise to us that you love to visit. The mountains and glaciers. The scenic views. The whales doing their things. The moose doing their things. We love tourists. We know why they visit. We enjoy their silly questions, like when do you feed bears in the national...
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Dear Jerry, Thanks for taking the time to stop by my booth at PAX. I was really glad to hear you liked my game. Believe it or not, you were actually kind of a hero of mine when I was a kid, and your writing style was a huge inspiration to me; so hearing that from you meant a whole lot. Here’s the thing, though: not long before you so cordially stopped by, your business partners Mike and Robert were with you on stage, saying that the biggest mistake they’d ever made was pulling the “Dickwolves” shirt. People more eloquent than me have described what’s wrong with this, but suffice to say, that’s some pretty fucked up shit, man. You said you were happy that I was there, but let me tell you, I was definitely not happy to be there. PAX is the biggest show of its kind in North America...
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Dear IWC, First of all, big fan. And like any big fan of a team, I get passionate about them winning. And passion can sound critical, but it’s all out of love and the desire to see them win every year. I first discovered IWC after making the requisite Rolex purchase and wondering what else was out there in the vast unknown world of watches. “Have you heard of IWC?” a friend asked me, and from there, after jumbling the letters in my mind a few times, I found your brand online and soon purchased my first IWC, the GST chronograph in titanium. My first impressions of you were unforgettable. In a world of stuffy, erudite luxury watchmakers, your brand stood out as sleek, sturdy, and supremely confident. Even your name, "IWC" – short for the just-as-stoic and behaved “INTERNATIONAL...
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Dear Professor S., I hope this finds you well. I am at a recruitment weekend for prospective Ph.D.s in the immunological and microbiological sciences. Having received my undergraduate degree in biotechnology and having followed it up with an M.S. in microbiology with a strong immunology focus, I always have known people forging ahead in academia, getting Ph.D.s, publishing, running labs, sparring with fellow scientists, attending conferences and so forth. This is all I have ever known, and I have yearned to join their number. Why? Well, because I love science. More specifically, I love immunology. I am awed by the subterfuges that pathogens employ and the countersubterfuges of the immunocytes: The immune response is a devastating romance set to the stylings of a cytokine...
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Dear Friends, To anyone who is lucky enough to have an amazing group of friends: hold on to them—hold on to them for dear life. You will find that life is nothing unless you have good people to share it with. Many people find this in their significant other, but why just limit you to one? Instead of having one soul mate, why not have a few. When I look back at college, I may not remember every detail of every night but I will remember that it was spent with you guys. I always wished that I would make a group of friends as great as you guys, but I never thought that I would meet the right people. I wanted the perfect balance of hip, fun, crazy, and a little eclectic—well, friends, I have found that in you. You guys are my soul mates, my siblings, and my rocks. It is always hard...
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Dear Mr Garvin, I’ve like to respond by raising just two questions, both of which I feel are quite important. Perhaps the first most important point to ponder over is to wonder if there is a willingness, an openness, to strive and embrace what can actually be demonstrated to be true, and to then follow through on that, and so with that thought in mind, my first question is this … Q1. How willing are we are we as individuals to embrace as many true things as possible? We are both in many ways polar opposites. I started out religious and experienced a conversion as a teen, then later in life came to a place where over a period of time I came to terms with the realisation that Christianity was not true, and then proceeded to transition through other variations of both Christian...
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Hey Shawn, I hope you’re at peace, as much at peace as you can be under the circumstances. I hope you’re eating well and taking care of yourself physically. I hope you have the basic necessities — not including the one you’re more than likely substituting with a bottle of lotion and a smutty magazine — and a few faithful people you can count on. And I hope you’re finding a way to cope with being boxed in once again by the four walls of a dank and cramped little cell with a dude you may or may not like, but who is no less forcibly the first person you see when you wake up and the last person you see before you go to bed. I don’t know why it took me so long to figure out you’d been locked up again. Usually, it’s that automated voice announcing the collect call I’m about to receive...
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Dear Chairman Wheeler, I’m writing to you as a citizen who is deeply concerned about the direction the FCC may take with regards to ISPs. As both a consumer and a technology worker, I rely on the Internet not only as a source of entertainment and information, but also a way to communicate with colleagues and customers. As someone who is fighting Lyme disease, I spend most of my time at home, with the Internet as my primary means of communication and the only means by which I’m able to remain employed. In an average day, I log into my company’s virtual private network (VPN) to securely do my work over the Internet, and later in the day I may watch something on Netflix. Suffice to say, the Internet is an important part of my life. I’d like to go on record by saying that I think ISPs...
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Dear Pat, I have tried to contact you via the Royal Mail but they are under the illusion that Greendale is a fictional place – whats up with that?! You may find this letter a tad harsh but i feel i need to write to address you directly as your friends, family and colleagues seem unwilling or unable to give you any constructive feedback. Lets cut to the chase. You are crap at your job and I have absolutely no idea how you managed to blag your promotion to Head of Special Delivery Services. You consistently lose, damage and/or open parcels you have been entrusted to deliver which is both stupid and illegal. Before you protest i have listed a few examples of your incompetence that have particularly riled me. 1. You severely delay the start of Amy’s Animal Day after you open your...
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Dear Misters Harper, Ignatieff, Layton, and Duceppe, and Ms May: The Canadian Science Writers’ Association (CSWA) represents science journalists, communicators, publicists and authors—500 and growing. For almost a year now, the CSWA has pushed for changes in the government’s current communication policy to enable timely access to government scientists who have published studies and research in journals. We have documented numerous examples of instances where Canadian journalists have been denied access to government scientists doing research in areas of public interest. The problem is relatively new in Canada, although not unknown. It became critical with new rules and regulations instituted by the Harper government. The CSWA has attempted to work with high-level, senior public...
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