Lifestyle

With Fifty Shades of Grey changing the way women view their sexualities, has this book been the reason we’ve opened our eyes to experimentation? Vanilla sex. Whether dominating, or dominated, its opened many eyes to BDSM. Vanilla is the middle ground. It’s not very exciting though, it’s a safe option, a simple flavour. In reference to sex, it’s nothing too ‘saucy’. On a scale of vanilla to Christian Grey, many relationships have a little bit more spark than the everyday flavour. A blueberry taste perhaps? But has this book, described as ‘Mummy porn’, been the reason men are feeling inadequate, whilst the women remain sexual professionals that they need to please? The men are judged on their performance, their stamina and skill. Their variety even. Women don’t want to be bored in...
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In the world of women’s magazines, a hell of a lot of the readers are presumed to be straight women. Straight women who want to dribble and stare at the likes of Harry Styles (Eurgh), some goon from TOWIE (Pass me a bucket) or even James Arthur (Don’t even get me started). But what I want to know is, where are all the women at? Nuts magazine, although not my usual ‘read’ has a section called ‘Advice from a fit lesbian’ – Which is always an interesting one. It’s also a very true statement, she is a bit on the tasty side. Men (apparently) love a lesbian. They are seen as a conquest, out-of-bounds sex on legs maybe. But whilst More! has ‘position of the week’ and Heat has ‘Torso of the week’ I am most unimpressed that they ignore gay women. I won’t be burning my bra anytime soon (I...
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Dear Mr Keane, You are President of the National Rifle Association and are a major advocate for gun rights in the American political arena. With more than 4 million members, your N.R.A. has become a formidable player in American politics. You and your organisation try to resist any attempt to curb the prevalence of guns in the US, using largely specious arguments. Do you know the organisation over which you preside; the National Rifle Association was founded in 1871 in New York by two Civil War veterans who were concerned about the lack of marksmanship in the armed forces. You organisation has come a long way, and deviated off the original track. Tightening US gun law will not stop the gun-related crimes and occasional massacres- these have happened in countries with much tighter...
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I have become somewhat sanitised in my behaviour in recent years. My self-satisfied, middle-class ways have led me onto believing that my self-worth is rapidly decreasing proportionately to the amount of facial hair I decide to grow. This devaluation of the male role in the society is partially to blame on the amount of feminist movement that spawned to existence due to the availability of social media and the utterly ridiculous female necessity to mock everything male. This outrageous rise in feminist activity is slowly beating the male population of the western world into submission and my embarrasing acceptance of my own scarf-wearing, vegetarian existence is partially to blame. More often than not I see women enjoy themselves in a Charlie Sheenesque fashion trying to emulate male...
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Dear William and Kate. The media have declared that you have “announced” that you are expecting your first child. I understand that Clarence House has “revealed” that you are “delighted with the news”. I am also told that The Queen, The Duke of Edinburgh, The Prince of Wales, The Duchess of Cornwall and Prince Harry and members of both families are also “delighted with the news." Hold on to your royal chairs, you two… because… I just don’t care. It’s not big and it’s not clever to conceive. I’ve done it. Millions around the world have done it. I truly can’t understand why the media give miles of column inches to your news. Less and less people care about Royalty in this country. The Diamond Jubilee was the last gasp, the last Hurrah for an outdated money-sapping scheme that is well past...
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Dear Teachers I will put my cards on the table straight away. I urge you teach children Poker. Not pretend Poker for tokens or matches, but Texas Hold Em Poker with money. Their pocket money. Bear with me on this before you start going into a froth about the evils of getting kids into gambling and on the road to rack and ruin. I am not suggesting gambling on something as trivial as Bingo where there is no skill involved. I am not suggesting that this teaching goes unsupervised. But I am suggesting that the game of Texas Hold Em has a wealth of learning, that will equip children better for the rigours and the traps, financial and otherwise, in the world outside the school, college, Uni or Campus gates. Consider what you need to do in order to be good at Poker. You need to be able to...
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Dear anti-obesity person I am overweight, bordering on the obese. I am happy. I pay for my food, be it convenience food that’s allegedly bad for me, or maybe from restaurants where I am encouraged to get value for money by eating as much as I can for a fixed price. If I want your help, advice or guidance I know where I can get it. But at the moment I don’t want it, and I feel like a second-class citizen when I see posters, adverts, and news item, all going on about how much obesity is costing the country. In days off work, in doctors’ time, in many other areas. But I go into work as much as I can, and if I have too many days off I’ll get fired. I pay for my doctor and health services through an insurance plan. I look after my kids and encourage them to be healthy, but also to be...
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Dear High Street Retailers, “Christmas comes but once a year, bringing happiness and good cheer” the saying goes. Well that’s all Santa-Red and rosy, but when the Christmas period extends from September to 12th night on January 6th don’t you feel that that’s too much? The Summer has hardly finished, and the kids have just gone back to school, Halloween, Fireworks Day (November 5th) and Thanksgiving are many many days away, and yet… Christmas trees in store windows? Christmas lights in the streets? Christmas advertisements for food, drink and children’s toys already popping up on the television and on the internet. Come on guys, give it a rest- do you really want to peak too early? I just can’t relate to Christmas in September or October. Can’t you hold your horses (or perhaps your...
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Dear Nathan Landy and Prof. David R. Smith, scientists/electrical engineers at Duke University, N.C. I understand from scientific journals and hacks’ stories in dailies, that you are another step closer to perfecting the "cloak of invisibility," this time using a diamond-shaped device to help take things forward from previous unsuccessful attempts. Who can forget the Cloak of Slight Noticeability? The Now you See Me, Now You Still See Me Suit? And the infamous Stands Out Like a Worn Wig at a Wedding overcoat? I’m told that building on research done in 2006, you have improved how the edges of their "cloak" work, allowing light to pass around an object without reflections so that the human eye can't see it. Light waves are bent around the object, making it appear not to be there. I’m...
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Dear organiser of the Oxford Street Lights. On Saturday I went to Oxford Street to see the Christmas Lights. But on arriving was appalled to see giant illuminated jars of Marmite! I realise that Marmite have sponsored the Xmas lights this year, but what on earth has Marmite got to do with Xmas!
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