I’ve written so many letters similar to this, but I’ve never posted them. I want at least someone to understand my position.
To my Uncle who my family has disowned:
You have cerebral palsy due to some head trauma you survived during birth. You have an older sister - my mother. She was three when you were born. After that, things changed drastically in your house. My mother was forced to grow up at only 3 years of age. She watched you while your mother was doing housework, and she did housework while your mother - Grammie - watched you.
In school, you were picked on, abused, neglected. My mother cared for you then. She protected you. She actually has PTSD from her experiences at school.
There were things she didn't get to do because of you. You would get upset if she ate something you couldn’t (because you can't chew, only swallow). She missed out on making friends because of you. She never learned to cook until she was 17 and only then because Grammie broke her leg and couldn't stand in the kitchen preparing meals.
When Grammie and Grandpa were getting too old for you, my mother took you in for a year until we could find an ideal living situation for you. My mother organized your finances, ordered you the proper things for your care, and found programs for you to participate in.
We tolerated having you in our home for a year. We took the time to distinguish your words and to interpret for others. We tolerated it when you volunteered in our classrooms at school.
Preparing your meals was no small task. There are some foods you can’t have like nuts or brussels sprouts. The foods you can't eat are substituted with something else. The foods you can eat have to go through a hand-crank grinder so you don't have to chew them. Some foods need more sauce added, some need milk. Then we had to sit and watch you finish it long after we were done.
We stomached each smelly wet kiss you gave us from those sandpaper lips of yours. We endured each dumb game you invented to tease us. We were there with you when you spent 6 weeks in the hospital for an infection.
Did you ever have to tolerate us? Not really, we always had to be our best around you. Did you ever give us anything besides a wet kiss and a hug every time you saw us? No.
How did you treat us after all we’ve sacrificed for you and shown how much we care? You mistook some bills my mother made on your account to be money stolen from you. You called the police and asked them to lock her up. We would have had to go live with someone else if the police had been able to find sufficient evidence.
You’re incapable of showing love to anyone but yourself.
Obviously I’m upset, and I have every right to be. But you know, I’ve begun to open up to some friends who don't know my family. I’ve told them that we disowned you, and then I always add that it is a huge relief. Some people don't understand how disowning someone can be so freeing. But it's a joy not to have to have you over. My High School graduation went really well. I’m glad my mother and I confessed to each other when we did that we didn't want you to come.
My final thoughts are these:
I hope you're doing well, but don't try to contact me to let me know. I’m sorry that you can't love. I hope that one day we’ll meet heaven and that we’ll be able to build a relationship then when your brain and mine are restored and full.
Until Then,
Your Estranged Niece
