By the time you read this, if you ever do, it will be much too late. You will be trapped, just like I was for 22 years. There was no one before me, so he just complained about how bad his mother was. I felt sorry for him. I knew he was sick and I paid for his therapy. He made minimal effort, but be aware that I provided this for him at my own great expense, so you don't have to feel obligated to do it. He's already had his chance.
A few things you need to know, now that you realize you're in trouble:
1) He will start rejecting and abusing you sexually, unless he already has. This has nothing to do with you. You could be Mrs. America and he would do this to you. Please, please don't let his rejection, his insults, and his inability to be erect if you seem to be enjoying sex make you feel ugly or unworthy. It's not you, it's him, and the only way he will keep an erection during a sexual encounter with you is if he is hurting you physically or emotionally.
2) He wants you to support him financially and do all of the work in the relationship. From his perspective, you OWE him that. He will tell you that he is sick, and as a last resort, that he can only have sex if you do this or that.
3) He is running you down behind your back. In this way he is gathering people together to side against you.
4) Some people are already on to him.
5) He will be abusive towards your family and will expect them to turn against you and will even use them to side with him and to cooperate with him in abusing you emotionally. Chances are that they don't even know what he is doing.
6) He is stalking you. He has been stalking you from the beginning. When something of yours disappears, he has taken it.
7) He has probably accessed all of your email and social media accounts. He may have a GPS on your car.
8) You are in grave danger.
9) Contact these people immediately from a location and device where he cannot trace you:
http://www.thehotline.org/
No, do it ASAP.
10) Call the police and tell them you are leaving. Tell them you are in danger. Try to pick a time when he is away from the house to do it. Take any pets you have when you go.
Please, don't wait. You deserve better than this. Get with your local DV shelter and get a safety plan together and FOLLOW it. Tell your employer what's going on. You have rights, despite what he tells you.
Yours,
His Ex.
