I've been debating on weather to do this or not, and honestly I'm just tired of crying over and over again about the things that obviously ain't changing.
You have been an addict for so long it's became just who you are. And I hate that for you. You think noone understands you but don't forget I was an addict to, now sober, wishing you was to.
U have been put of jail, rehab.. and still no change.
Everytime I see you, you seem worse off than before. The last mug shot I seen of u literally broke my heart. I just want you to know your not alone and you can change. I want you to be here for me and your neices... but your not..
I want a sister I can call and talk to but I cant.
I want someone to go shipping with and to do girlie stuff with.. but your not here... I just want my sister I use to play barbies with back.. everyone tells me not to worry about you but I can't stop worring about u.. wondering if the strange number calling me is someone saying they found you dead from an overdose.
You have heard me cry about not having no freinds after I changed and u even promised you would get clean n be here for me. But I don't see you nowere... you never call unless ur needing me to do something for you or looking for a place to stay or trying to find something.
Do you even remember the last time u called to just see how me or your neices was??
Yeah, me neither... they honestly don't even know who you are.... which I hate. All my life I wanted to grow up and have my sisters over n is be a happy family that's always there for each other.. but we're not..
Instead we all barley talk unless we're looking for you..
My daughter asks me why I'm crying when I'm having a breakdown over you and I have to lie and say something got in my eye cause how can I tell a 4 year old I'm crying cause my heart is breaking for my sister.. the person who's suppose to be here for her little sister n to be my best freind for life...
Ive beged you since I was 11 to be clean and here I am about to celebrate my 24th without u.. cause your doing u... like addicts do.. ..
You admit you need help but when it come to the day and the rode you have a million excuses..
I just wish you relized how much I and your family acually love and care about you...
And if u read this I just want you to know I want my sister back.
I've always heard meth will tear your family apart even witnessed it at just 10 when I got taken away from mine. And then again watched me almost tear my family apart over it.. I just want you to know no drug is worth it. Hearing your neices say I love you should be enoph to want you to change your life around.. cause it sure did mine..
I love you big!
