Open letter to the man who couldn't be father,
I thought of you today, I decided to write this letter because I wanted to share with you the feelings I get every time the thought of you crosses my mind. First things first, please don’t flatter yourself for one second by ever thinking that I am saddened by your absence, I let that hurt go awhile ago. Before I continue, I have to ask ... Are you happy with this life that you chose? Do you love yourself or are you ashamed of the sorry excuse of a man that you became? I'm just curious. I want to thank you for teaching me not to rely on ANY man for validation, happiness, love or security. The greatest thing you could have ever done for me was remove yourself from my life because you proved yourself unworthy of being anyone I would ever want to call my "father". You denied me of everything I needed and anything I could of ever imagine that came along with having a father as a young girl growing up. You missed out on the life you created, my entire life, 23 years, you never got to watch me grow into the woman that I am today. You realize you will never be able to get that time back? Are you feeling shitty yet? It just amazes me that you can accept the fact that you never got to see me graduate high school, you weren't around to teach me how to drive, you have no idea when I lost my first tooth, do you even have 1 picture of me as a child? In 23 years you didn't acknowledge me once, never wished me a happy birthday, a Merry Christmas, you never even called. 23 years and I never even got to hear you say "I love you" ... Then again how can you love a stranger? You will never know my favorite color, food, movie or the things that make me smile. I hope if I ever cross your mind you feel as little of yourself as I think of you. You lead me to believe that if the man who made me couldn't love me than why would any one else want to. You destroyed my faith in many things, I built a wall so big to protect myself from letting anyone get too close to me, I corrupted myself into believing that it was not possible for someone to come into my life and actually stay and help me grow. Thank you for everything you never did because I became the strongest person I know how to be! You will never be offered another opportunity to be apart of my life. I am sorry that this post got so deep, I really don't like discussing personal issues like this, but these are feelings that I should not have to hide, these are emotions that I deal with which hurt and haunt me. I have many questions that will never be answered, plenty of things I will never be able to understand or sympathize. I’ve learned to accept everything for what it is because I no longer have any desire to have you in my life. I only hope that one day you can feel the pain that I felt from never understanding why I wasn't good enough for you and how come you never tried to spend time with me. I realize now it was always your loss, I didn't miss out on much. I just hope when you look at yourself in the mirror you are embarrassed and ashamed of the sorry excuse of a father that you turned out to be. You brought two daughters into this world and never took care of one.
I forgive you for not being capable to fulfill you duties as a man. I pray for you!
Sincerly,
The daughter you didn't deserve.
