To start with, this is not a letter to in any way insult you or make you angry. I have spent many hours thinking of how I can somehow have this conversation with you. There never seems to be a time or easy way to bring these things up. I decided to write this and hope that somehow it would get to you and you would understand.
Our children have been through many things at such a young age. If I could change anything it would be the endless court battles and the fact that we could not co-parent to make their lives as normal as possible. I would have had birthday celebrations and Christmas dinners where they could have both of us there. We can’t change the past. We can’t go back and fix the damage that was done to our children by feeling as if they had to choose one parent over the other.
As a parent we have all made mistakes. You won’t find a perfect parent in this world. If children came with instructions maybe there would be. But how many of us follow all the instructions?
I also want you to know I will never wish anything bad on you. Regardless of what has happened in the past, you are still the father of my children. When I faced my own mortality I realized resentment and hate only hurts the person who has that in their heart. I don’t want our children, or their half-sister to live with that resentment and hate one day.
When talking with our children I have realized that they feel you don’t try to have a relationship with them. I know sometimes it is hard because we want them to do the things we think are best. But our children are now 29, 27, and 24. The hardest thing as a mother I have ever had to do is watch them make their own mistakes. But this is part of life. It makes us who we are. We as parents need to be there to pick them up and dust them off when they fall. We can only offer our love and advice. I want you to understand I write this letter for them. Because as I have always said, children need both of their parents. I know they need you, they just feel as if you are too busy to be involved in their lives. Are they angry at times about you not being there? Of course they are, they want to know you love them. They want to know you care. I have been asked on several occasions if you care. My answer has never been no. Because I don’t think that is the case. If I think back to the time when I met you, I can remember the stories you told of your own relationship with your father. Your father was an amazing grandfather. I know things were different when you were younger, but time changes everyone. And when you father died I would bet none of that mattered to you. It still hurt just as bad. I can’t imagine losing both your mother and father within 3 months. Because losing my daddy took a piece of my heart I will never get back. But I know your children are the only blood you have left. And I want to point out a few things about each of them that should make you proud.
Our first child is now a wife and mother. She may not go to a job every day, but her work is 24 hours a day. She is raising two of our very beautiful granddaughters. She knows how to manage her money. She has a heart of gold. She can see the good in people when others can’t. She strives to help people and that in itself makes me proud. And out of all of our children, she is the one that has always wanted her daddys approval. She needs to be Daddy’s girl.
Our second child who made me wonder sometimes why I had a third,( LOL ) completed all of her college courses. She however chose a different path with her career. She went to work for Walmart and worked her way up to a department head. She is raising another of our beautiful granddaughters and our only grandson. She wants nothing more than for you to get to know her children. Her baby is very sick. Our only grandson faces horrible treatments that no child should ever have to go through and he is only 2 years old. His condition is rare and without the care he needs in Boston he won’t be here in 5 years. I can be there for her but she needs you to be there. She needs you to know her children. She has a good heart and she loves deeply.
Our third child, and our only son, is more lost than he will ever admit. He is a momma’s boy but as I remember you were too. He is great at body work and mechanic work. He had a great teacher. He won’t admit it but he does need you. He is a good father. But he needs his dad to be there. He needs to know you care.He has a heart of gold although he won’t show it to many people. He is raising our other 2 beautiful granddaughters. And he is doing a pretty darn good job!
I need you to know that we can never get back lost time. But we can make time to be there now. We can cancel our own plans to make sure we are there for birthday parties, Christmas and for the numerous events that will be held for our sick grandchild. Not one of your children would ever say no if you asked to sit down and talk to them. They would gladly try to have a relationship with you. Right now all of your children have pulled together to help our only grandson. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I just hope you will consider the fact that you need your children too.All of them.There will come a day when they will be the ones taking care of us.
And I know full well the tempers they have. That’s a given being the tempers of their parents. But please open your heart and rearrange your priorities. These children are the most important thing you will ever have in your life!
