Hey,
I know you think we all agree with you, that everything you say we think you are right. In reality we don't think that, or at least I don't.
The past few days I've thought and the past few months these things picked at me. I needed a way to tell you but a moment never came up. I talked to you about so much, now I rarely talk at all. It kills me but the backlashes of it all are too much. Better to keep quite than disagree with you right? I saw that it wasn't only me that thought this. I learned from my father and my best-friends mom that they see it too. Control: how many times has my dad said you control everything? Many and now I see it. You do need the control, you want it.
If we disagree with you, you say we are wrong. I told you yesterday, I miss my mom, whom I have not seen in over two weeks. I miss her and even though she might be a crappy parent, who might not change, I still love her and she still means a lot to me. Your response was that I should give it more time that she is waiting for me to cave, to give in without her ever admitting she's wrong. That I would be accepting the negativity in my life. Well I want to, I want to be able to go to my mom's house. I miss her. The other day about a week or so ago, you looked at my nails, knowing I have the habit of picking them, and went at me "jokingly", telling me aren't you a girl? Girls are supposed to have long nails. You hurt me. You might not do it intentionally but it does hurt.
But God forbid I say anything. You don't like it when someone has a different view point than you. You say always say how you feel I'll listen, but in reality you interrupt constantly and have to make it about you. Last night I told you I was stressed with school, and all the stuff I have going on. Your response was that I need to imagine what it will be like when I have 4 or 5 college classes or how the fact that you, yourself, is a full time student, having to deal with 4 kids, appointments, sports, and staying organized.
I'm sorry I am only 17, I am sorry that I'm not a mom. My struggles are real and I do feel stressed, but why should I tell you any more, if you are never going to listen and actually show some sympathy that I do have a lot of work. I get you have your work to but at that moment it was not about you. In case you forgot you asked ME what was wrong. I'm done talking to you. I Love you but I am starting to feel like my problems and feelings are unworthy because you never listen and you always have something worse going on.
Another thing is my father, you create him to be a monster, you're married to him and overtime you fight with him, it is his fault. I've listened and you both are at fault, yet you can't admit that. I'm sorry but my dad, my biological father, has valid points, you don't listen and you defend yourself. Then proceed to come to me and tell me I need to stand up for you, for what is right. What if I don't agree? For heaven's sake I don't feel like I can spend time or talk to my own Dad, without you coming back to me and saying I'm going behind your back, that I should come to you instead of someone else. You want the world at your feet. Guess what you have it, but I'm done following you and agreeing. I am a person and I want to have a good relationship with my father and spend time with him. From the time I was little I was a daddy's girl. What has changed? Oh and let's not forget the fact of my step-brothers. I love them to death and call them my brothers.
But every time you and Dad fight, it's "your boys don't deserve that" I get it I'm still only a step-child, I get it. I wish I could tell you all these feelings, but I know it would result in anger and how I'm wrong, or just like my sister, or my father. Sorry. I'm sorry I'm not like you.
With much love,
B
