Dear John,
I haven't even gotten into an actual sentence and I'm already tearing up...
I just want to start off with, I would do anything to have you back in my life. Along with Papaw too. You and him were my only fatherly figures in my life that I really really looked up to and adored.
I think about you all the time and I always wonder what our lives would be like today if you were still here. Maybe we'd still have our movie Tuesdays, maybe we'd do our Super Man dives (even though I'm far too big now) or maybe we'd even do our flips. No one will ever know.
I remember that week so clearly like it was yesterday, but it was seven years ago. You were staying in Kentucky with Grandma Jenki and you had a good job. Now that I'm older, I also realized you got off whatever drugs you were doing. And I'm so happy you did that! I also remember you had come up to Ohio for some reason and you was at our house, reuniting with everyone and you promised me that we'd go see a movie that next day.... and I remember seeing you walk on the porch and past the window and you waved goodbye... "cold pizza" you said, banging on the window. And then, you were gone into the darkness of the night.
I remember waking up that next morning and my mom was gone. Soon she came back with aunt Jamie and she had brought us McDonalds to eat for all of us cousins, but something felt off to my 9 year old self. My mom's eyes were swollen and so were Jamies.. after we ate, we sat at the table in silence. All of us kids were examining our moms.
I remember mom and Jamie took me into my room and they made me sit down and they both grabbed me and started crying. "He's gone" they said. I automatically knew what they meant, but I was shocked. First Papaw and now you? I didn't want to believe it. All I could mutter out was "what?" and I was streaming with tears. They told me you had went to a party after leaving our house and that you had did a little drugs, but it was enough to make your heart stop... and it didn't help any that you already had a bad heart. They told me they had found you on the couch that morning and they had thought you were just asleep... but you weren't asleep.
I was so heart broken and upset that our plans weren't going to happen. I just didn't feel like doing anything anymore. I lost you both.. and even today it kills me that I can't have you here with us.
You guys would love Bobby, I think, even though you'd get protective over me. And I know Papaw would have love all the Jonathan, Gavin, Peyton and Natalie. I wish they would of at least gotten the chance to meet him.
I cherish every moment I've had with you two because I'm so grateful for having been the one to actually get a chance to meet and be with you guys. I know you guys are always with me and watching over me, so that's all that matters to me. I love you both so much... And John, cold pizza!
