All my life as long as I can remember I've had a void. I knew I had a part missing from my life. For 22 years, almost 23, I have lived a life without you. I was suppose to have you here. Through my rough years, high school homecomings, and proms, the break ups and the make ups, being grounded, and going to college. I was suppose to be able to take your clothes and get yelled at, use your old dresses. Get all your hand me downs. I know God had this planned, this was suppose to happen, but I still don't know why. I catch myself talking to you when I am down or stressed. I dream about you and think about what you would look like. Would you look like dad or mom? Would you have blue eyes or green, dark hair or light? I remienece about what ifs all the time, but the one thing I can not let go of is how much different it would be with you here. Would things have been better? Would the things that have happened with the family not have? I know I shouldn't do this, but I can not help it. I love you and I never even got to see your face. I feel you with me, I can feel you watching over me. All I wanted was you here physically with me. To hold me when I cried after my first heart break, to tell me not to date the first douche bag that came into my life because he was a douche bag, to yell at me because you found out from your friends I was out partying. All I can ever remember wanting was you. Mom can sometimes talk about you, but I see the pain in her eyes. I can hear the hurt in her voice. I just wish that our family could have you here. I go see your grave when I can and I sit. I just cry because I don't have an actual memory with you. I just hope and pray one day I'll be able to be with you. Until that day... I love you!
Xoxoxoxo
