A letter to my ex-boyfriend

Well where do I start.. I needed to find an outlet for every feeling I am currently harbouring towards you; I need to get this out before the clock strikes midnight so that this new year isn't weighted with any negative feelings at all.
I'd like to start by thanking you, yes THANKING YOU. These thanks are all related to our beautiful child who has been my backbone since you started your torrent of abuse; she is the only reason I have carried on and for that I thank you. You helped me to make my saving grace, the saving grace that you have now decided that you don't want anymore; claiming that she's now all mine. Well I'll tell you what, she deserves the total world, if you don't want to be a part of that world that is fine. But don't dare think you will creep back into her life later down the line if - and that is the biggest if - you choose to realise you have made one of the largest mistakes you have ever made, as I write this she is smiling away at me in her innocence, you took away my smile; you will NOT be taking hers.
The time we spent together started like any other relationship, the butterflies, the flirting, the lovely messages to remind me how much you truly love me. Then in the following few months we were plagued by misery; my mums illness, the miscarriage, the sheer feeling of utter devastation was around every corner we turned, but somehow we managed to get through it. I wondered how you ever understood my mood after we lost our beautiful angel, I thought 'how on earth have I actually found someone who is managing to hold himself together and carry me along through this pain! I soon found out that the way you were coping so well was because you had another outlet for your pain. The trusty other women had come into play. For some strange reason; through my physical and emotional agony I found the strength to forgive you, putting it down to the stress we had incurred but on reflection I was under the same stress, I didn't feel the need to stray.
Our relationship progressed and we seemed to be regaining trust, going from strength to strength. Then we found out unexpectedly that I was expecting again, we couldn't get excited though, for fear that what had happened before would happen again. We hid it from everyone. Your family found out one day after we had a falling out, but for the next few months it was a secret amongst ourselves. Just 8 months later our little baby arrived, earlier than intended and we had a stressful time in the hospital, seeing our defensive, precious girl fighting for her chance of survival. She managed it though, and her strength has inspired me.
The abusive you put me through, although according to everyone you told it wasn't abuse, merely just caring about me, was clever. You isolated me from family and friends, you stopped me from working, you stopped me leaving the house alone, heck you even locked me in and hid the key. You stripped me totally of my independence and that was when the insults started. Just small things to start 'you're wearing far too much makeup, do you really want to wear that?, why do you do your hair like that? I hate it!' The usual put downs. Then they started to get more cutting, insulting my mental health, my abilities as a mother. Things that really knock someone to the core, especially if you have stripped them of their independence already.
Finally, you turned everyone against me and started to make me believe I was going crazy. Everyone in your family genuinely believes I'm a witch, who was put on this earth purely to destroy your life, I have learned to believe that what they think of me is okay. They're entitled to their opinion, but I'll be damned if I am going to allow them to make me feel intimidated. There are two sides to the story, they are only choosing to listen to one. Your mum turned a blind eye when the physical violence reared its ugly head and it was then I knew that I was fighting a losing battle. Your friends were all conditioned to believe that I was annoying, repetitive, rude and immature; again they heard your side of the story only. Again that is okay.
You would move things, change appointment dates, pour water out of the kettle when I had just boiled it for the baby's bottles. All in the name of making me feel incapable to cope without you. I managed to escape before, tried to continue with my life, but your emotional outbursts and your threats of violence and suicide always managed to claw me back. Call me stupid, I agree. But at the time I only saw that as my way out. To go back to you and continue the misery, only to keep you happy if nothing else.
Well the final time I have actually been able to leave and stay away. Despite the threats, the abuse, the fact I had nothing but the baby and the clothes on my back, despite I had no one to turn to. I had to do it for the sake of the baby and I have done. You're fits of verbal had no limits. You had directed one at her when she was barely 2 months old. If you do that while she was a tiny defenseless bundle, then what else are you capable of? It doesn't bare thinking about. I managed to stick to my guns and establish my life again. I had to go to the police for safety, I had to get a solicitor to ensure all the bases were covered. But I have survived. My confidence hasn't fully returned, it may not ever. But at least I am free of your clutches. I will continue to rebuild my life through 2016 and I wish when I get to this time next year, that I will be able to say the words that I so desperately need to. YOU DO NOT AFFECT ME ANYMORE. Here's to hoping ay? I wish you happiness, I truly do. But - and here is my final point - I gave you everything I could and it wasn't enough to keep you happy. So I cannot and will not be there to attempt to give you the happiness you so desire, in the process draining myself of all my resources. For the sake of my sanity. For the sake of all the crumbling relationships I am slowly managing to repair. But mostly for the sake of MY beautiful daughter - since now (down to your choices) if she hasn't got me, she hasn't got anyone.
Happy New Year&I hope one day you manage to change your ways because unfortunately until you do; I struggle to comprehend how you will ever find happiness. You will just continue to wreak havoc, leaving the same path of devastation in your wake.