Dear Family,
Well, where do I start. This letter has been a long time coming. I have spent too many sleepless nights worrying about each and every one of you to the point of exhaustion and I am so angry at the way I get treated in return. Last night was the last straw for me so I warn you in advance that you are not going to like what I have to say so maybe it would be a good idea to stop reading here. I know you will be mad but in my heart of hearts I know this is right and need to say. If you felt this way you would have no hesitation saying it/yelling it at me. I feel that I’ve always have remained silent and always taken the high road but this has gotten me no-where and I’m sick of quietly sitting in the corner.
Brother, I am sorry for showing interest in you and your life. I have been nothing but supportive over the years, spending hours on the phone when you needed someone to talk to, tell your problems (past and present) to, coming up to see you and your daughter so you still felt part of the family and helping you out financially on a number of occasions when times were really tough and all the rest, you know exactly what i am talking about. I did this expecting nothing in return but a simple ‘thank you’. We have put ourselves at financial risk on more than one occasion for you out of the kindness of our own hearts. I fully accept that you did not always ask us to do this but we offered our help as it hurt to see you in such a mess emotionally and financially, maybe thats one of my downfalls in this, always wanting to help my family. I not saying this to throw it back in your face, just to make you aware that theres always more to things and a bit of respect goes far. I am sorry for trying to hold conversations with you even though you can’t be bothered. I sorry for supporting your decisions and helping you make a bad situation a little easier. The way you spoke to me last night was unacceptable, how dare you speak to me like that in front of my children. And to think that you all probably just brushed it off once again. It will not happen again.
And since you, brother, brought up about Sundays, if fact, yes I do have something to say about it. I think its absolutly ridiculous that you and dad go out every sunday wasting money on alcohol and smokes to then always claim that you have no money and heaps of debt and can’t pay your bills, moneys tight and are sick etc etc etc. Maybe some priorities need to be looked at here. Oh and wheres the invite, not once have any of you invited my husband along to these Sunday sessions or to play pool, he is part of this family too and is here to stay.
Younger brother, its funny how you have flown under the radar lately and we hardly see you. Hopefully you are where you say you are and are working hard. You have a lot of potential for your life and it pains me to see you throwing it all way by hanging around with stupid people and doing drugs. You should want more for your life. I love seeing you play and interact with the boys, they really enjoy spending time with you and having fun. I do not appreciate the times that you were stoned whilst doing this, my children do not need to see you that way and could smell it a mile off. I have always been there for you too and was amazed when you came over and had a chat to us a few months back, you remember that conversation … its funny now hey. Just saying what you think we want to hear without any intention of actually doing anything. You are throwing it all away. Work hard, stay off the drugs and move forward with your life.
Why am I always making the effort? Very rarely am I invited around, if I do come around on my own accord, I’m always on tip toes and feel like i shouldn’t be there, we just sit there with the tv on, almost in silence. I am sick of this, theres more to life than a little box in the living room or sitting outside having a smoke every 5 mins. I am forever trying to strike up a conversation about something, anything, only to be met with short, conversation ending snippets. You don’t really have a clue about whats going on in my life as no-one really asks about it. Its only if i mention something small thats going on and then it just gets brushed off anyway. If we do have a conversation, its always in your benefit and you need me to do something ie. fixing the computer, organising something for you, sorting out the car accident etc.
I don’t see the point of bringing my boys around, who really enjoy seeing you, if everyone is just going to sit there in silence or pottering around the house. The kids just want some fun, conversation and interaction from you all, thats all they need. One thing they don’t need is the constant smoke in their faces. I have told you previously that the doctor believes that one of them has asthma yet you still fill their lungs with the poison. This is why I do not let them go outside when you go out there and try to keep them inside until you have finished. You seem to have a blatant disregard for anyone else health. The other option is to not come around at all, which believe me I have considered, but then you wouldn’t see them at all as you don’t come around here or meet us anywhere else or doing anything as a family. My kids come away from your house smelling like smoke. Speaking about health, It pains me to see a disregard your all your own health too. Again priorities.
Dad, in line with how my brother speaking to me the way he did, The way you spoke to me a couple of months ago, in front of my children, was disgraceful as well. It will not happen again. I deserve some respect as your daughter and as a mother. The way the two of you speak to females is disgusting, or maybe its just us that you think you can get away with it. Not anymore. Mum, sometimes it is just about me and my celebration, I saw my wedding video and noticed you walking down the aisle behind me. I don’t know why this happened but when i suggested you should go in, you just said no, i don’t understand why. This day was about me and my husband.
My family is working our arses off to pay down debt that is not all ours, to help make everyones life little easier besides our own. Between my husband and I, we recently had 4 jobs at once, between us both, working absolutely ridiculous hours, every, single, day. Again, maybe you didn’t realise. We are trying soo hard to save a deposit to buy a house for you to all move into so you don’t have to worry about real estates and landlords etc only to be treated like shit. Maybe you forgot I mentioned this as well. I kindly request any monies owing to us to be paid into back promptly as I can’t keep doing this anymore. I am sick of feeling guilty for going places and buying things and mentioning it incase i offend anyone that cannot do the same.
I wanted more than this for all of us. I have given up now, not because I want to but because I have to. I have my husband and my young children who need me and catch-on to what is going on even if you don’t realise it and I don’t want them to feel as unwanted by all of you as I do. They see you arguing and hear you arguing when we are there. I do forgive you and will always love you all and If you do wake up one day and decide you want to be apart of our lives, it will take time and a lot of proving on your behalf. I know I’m not perfect, far from it, but I don’t need all your stresses projected onto me.
Thank you for making me a stronger person and seeing that family is more than just blood.
I wish you all, all the best
Love, with no return expected
Disheartened Daughter/Sister
