I know I’m not the best step in person for your children. I know that given the choice, you would not have picked me for the job. I know that you may feel I am not good enough, nor that I was ever part of your ‘plan’. If I’m honest, you were never part of mine.
Growing up, I never dreamed of having another person's children in my life rather than my own. I never dreamed of sharing Christmas’ or weekends or having to run holidays through somebody else.
I always thought I'd get to witness the first steps, first tooth, first day at school... I always figured that the first child I'd be blessed with would be that of my own flesh and blood.
Never did I ever imagine myself being involved in the lives of another person’s children. Yet here I am. And while this whole situation is something I am still trying to get my head around, I have realised that not every story goes to ‘plan’.
I wish I could make you see that this has not been a walk in the park for me. Far from it. Please remember that you’ve had the children’s whole lives to learn, adapt and improve, while I have no experience for the role I’ve been given. I make mistakes, I say the wrong thing, I put my foot in it. I worry, constantly. I over think and self-doubt and imagine the worst. I take everything to heart. Worst of all I get jealous. I get jealous of the amazing bond you have with the real life human beings you've helped create. I get jealous that you've experienced everything I presumed I eventually would, however, no longer know if I ever will. Jealous that no matter what you do, there is always going to be someone who loves you unconditionally. That despite everything, you will always have a purpose in life. You will always be seen as someone's hero and protector.
If only I could make you see that I am not the enemy. I am not the wicked step-monster figure portrayed in fairytales. I am not out to replace you or take over your role. The children do not need another Mother figure. I know that, they have you. Being their Mother is a role you have earned and I am not here to replace or take anything away from that. Where I can, I do my best to promote your role in their lives and remind them to be grateful that they have you. I am grateful to have you. Without you, I would not be blessed with wonderful bonus children.
I know it must be so hard for you to entrust your children into the care of others with everything you’ve been through together. I am sure that you feel there is nobody else on Earth who could possibly love and care for them the way you do. I know you may not mean to disregard and belittle me like you do. You may not understand how much your actions and words affect me. Haunt and hurt me. But then, maybe that's your intentions. Maybe you hope it will scare me off. Or maybe it's because you're a little lost and insecure on this path too.
I know I do not share the children's DNA, but I love them with all of my being. They are beautiful, intelligent, inspirational individuals. They are amazing. And I am very aware that they are not mine. I am very aware that I may never share the bond that they have with you and their Father. I am very aware that I am an 'extra'. Surplus to requirements, but here all the same. They may not be 'mine', but it doesn't stop the gut wrenching feeling every time we have to part with them. I get excited for their achievements and goals, I hurt when they hurt, I miss them like crazy when they're not around. They may not be 'mine', but I love them as if they were and I will spend forever and a day protecting them and doing my utmost to see them happy.
I know that we are never going to be best friends. We are very different people. But I promise to be there. I promise to take my share of the teenage strops, the highs and lows, the crazy fashion choices and the hours of waiting on the sidelines during rain soaked sports matches. I promise to be there to lend a hand where I can. I promise to be a constant even when things might get a bit mad. I promise to provide the support that both you and the children may need, whenever you may need it.
I know I'm not the best step in person for your children. But sometimes the best things take time.
