I am sitting here in tears, 9 years of regrets, 7 years of missing you , of missing everything. As I sit here with my two beautiful children ( your little sister and brother) I wonder to myself if you are going to hate me. I beat myself up over and over again in my mind, I am being ate up by guilt.
How can I be the picture of a great mother too your siblings but gave you up for adoption?
Are you going to hate me one day for my young and childish mistakes and choices?
All I ever wanted was for you to have the best of everything in life, and to be honest that was not me at the time, and most definitely not your father.
I wanted you to be safe, to not grow up in the pain,fear,misery, and dysfunction that I did. I wanted you to have a positive role model of a mother of a father and I did not meet my own standards.
I hope when the day comes that you come home to me that you do not resent me that you do not hate me, or envy your siblings.
I hope you know I made a choice, the hardest, heartbreaking, devastating choice I have ever made in my whole life. That choice was to not condemn you to my past life, to keep you safe, to give you a chance at stability. I just want you to know that I loved you since I conceived you, there is never a day or moment that does not go by that your not on my mind.
#NevaehBliss
Love a heartbroken mom
