I talk about dying a lot but i really don’t want to die I’m scared of dying It’s actually the opposite I want to live I want to live so badly I want to feel alive I hate feeling empty I hate feeling useless I hate feeling invisible I want to live
My birthmark, in the shape of a heart. Faded and gone. Faded into you. The heart, faded and gone. Once upon a time, traceable and immutable. My heart. Now, my weary soul. Sometimes I can still feel the outline of my birthmark. Fade into me. Because that is all that exists.
I wrote this letter just to tell Cristy JB, how grateful I am to have meet such a beautiful and magnificent woman who made me feel butterflies in my stomach. You brighten up my world like no one has ever done before, I know it's impossible for me to have you forever since our way is to narrow and it goes to a dead end caused by your heart who is always longing for your ex, but as long you need someone to lean on, to share your problems with and someone who will be your comforter I will always be there for you, to love you, even you don't have feelings for me like what you've always showed me. But always remember this, as long as I'm here, I promise to give you my best and everything even if in the end I will be drowned in tears and die with sadness.
For the record, I will not shrink, I will not make myself smaller than I am, I will not sit on the sidelines and I will not dream within the confines of your comfort zone ever again. I will take up as much space as I damn well please! xoxo etta
To all of those I have offended, pissed off, alienated, frustrated or otherwise irritated for refusing to live into you co-dependent victim oriented negative life.. I regret nothing. Embrace the suffering, it’ll feel better. xo etta