Even here, i wasn't sure of what to say. But I'm going to try my best to write what i truly feel right now.
I've been living my life as if I am happy to what i have become. I've been studious ever since i was a kid. But i guess i was not truly happy that time. But still, I did my best to not disappoint my family. Same scenario on my high school life. Been Studying as if I am happy. I entered college with a course that is 3rd on my list. First choice, culinary arts. It's my dream to be a chef. I love cooking
Shorts
There have been a lot of turning points in my life. I have started down paths with the best intentions and I’ve made wrong turns that I thought were right. 1 year ago, I left my life and everything in it behind and started over. You could say I was correcting a wrong turn I had made about 5 years prior. But the truth is it was more than a little course correcting. This time I chose to drive right off the cliff and hope there was something better at the bottom. At the very least, I’d let it all burn and I’d scrape and climb my way back to the top. You see it takes looking at your life and truly hating everything it has become to realize that you have nothing left to lose. He did that, ya know… made me hate everything. Especially myself. But this isn’t a sad...
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I am just writing this letter while playing a song, line without a hook.. is just that, I turning 34.
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The seeds of winter, ice and snow have been sowen.
Too little too late.
Too much unknown.
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Sooo this is my first open letter, before anything else I would want to ask you to not mind my spellings and grammars cause I know I suck but still I want to put up my sentiments. However, if u think I really suck with writing my letter feel free to call me out and teach me the proper way (hope it'll be in a respectful way though hihi).
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Playing too humble will have overlooked, underpaid, and underbooked! Talk your shit, move like you it and let them people be uncomfortable.
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I talk about dying a lot but i really don’t want to die
I’m scared of dying
It’s actually the opposite
I want to live
I want to live so badly
I want to feel alive
I hate feeling empty
I hate feeling useless
I hate feeling invisible
I want to live
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My birthmark, in the shape of a heart.
Faded and gone. Faded into you.
The heart, faded and gone.
Once upon a time, traceable and immutable.
My heart.
Now, my weary soul.
Sometimes I can still feel the outline of my birthmark.
Fade into me.
Because that is all that exists.
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I wrote this letter just to tell Cristy JB, how grateful I am to have meet such a beautiful and magnificent woman who made me feel butterflies in my stomach. You brighten up my world like no one has ever done before, I know it's impossible for me to have you forever since our way is to narrow and it goes to a dead end caused by your heart who is always longing for your ex, but as long you need someone to lean on, to share your problems with and someone who will be your comforter I will always be there for you, to love you, even you don't have feelings for me like what you've always showed me. But always remember this, as long as I'm here, I promise to give you my best and everything even if in the end I will be drowned in tears and die with sadness.
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For the record, I will not shrink, I will not make myself smaller than I am, I will not sit on the sidelines and I will not dream within the confines of your comfort zone ever again. I will take up as much space as I damn well please!
xoxo
etta
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