It has been several years since your father and I split. But I want you to know I think about you every day. I miss you all the time. I worry about you. I stalk your dad’s facebook just to see if he posts any pictures of you. Much to my disappointment, he rarely does. But from what I have gathered you just keep getting taller, and your hair keeps getting shorter and with many different colors. You have grown into a young lady. But I will always remember you as the little girl that always wanted me to tuck her in, and give her a million hugs. The little girl that never forgot to say “I love you!” before hopping out of the car at parent drop off. The little girl that turned our living room into a giant fort with me... our selfies... our at home spa day... the homework and library trips... school projects... thinking of those memories and missing you makes me cry even in this moment as I type.
I was hesitant to be with a man with a child. I didn’t know how to be a step mom. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say or do. I probably messed up a lot. But you should know I always tried to do what I thought was best. I read books about step parenting, talked to my friends that grew up with step parents, and joined online stepmom forums to get more insight. I tried really hard to be a good stepmom and break the stereotype all the lovely fairytales left us with. I hope I was. Looking back at our many pictures having fun, laughing, smiling, joking, I think I was for the most part. That coffee you mug you gave me for Christmas, the one that reads “Family”, is the greatest treasure I own and I still proudly sip my coffee from it every weekend.
I am sorry things didn’t work out with your dad. We tried for a long time to make things right, but ultimately realized we are just too different. I’m sorry but I cannot ever get into more detail than that with you.
What I can tell you, is that even though my love for him faded, my love for you never did. And being without my little avalanche has left a hole in my heart no one else can ever fill. You remain in my prayers. And the best I can hope for is that someday you do reach out to me, because I know that you know deep in your heart, I am always going to be here for you.
