So, living in a middle class family... it's pretty hard to meet up to their expectations. Everyone is either a cashier in an average supermarket trying to feed her babies, a physical therapist who have no dreams to have her own family rather than from where she started , a 19 year old boy who's working for himself only. I was so left out even when I was a child. Its devastating to lose your huge mansion, stable future and your parents at the same time. Living all with my siblings and an abusive guardian while my parents were working hard for us to be able to go to school... it was tough. Being the spoiled kid that I am, i wasnt satisfied of the life I was having at the moment. I wasnt just like my siblings who dreamt of one thing since they were children. I had one that I actually love but everything else seems so fun to actually do for the rest of your life. But it's hard to hear from your parent saying that it wasnt the type of work for a kid like me. My parent decided to let her pride go first rather than to take what I actually love. I was an athletic and talented kid. But I wanted to prove something to my parent. It feels like proving it to her would make it all better for me.
I gave up my passion for art and music to manage my sports. I suffered from depression and absolute loneliness yet music was the only thing that actually made me feel like I belong to this world. Like as if my purpose was to show people the way into music. I'm still so afraid of not being able to prove myself to her. But then I realized something. Once I proved it to her, what's left of me? Am I happy with what I have now? I may be young but the thought just wont end. I do not know if music is really for me. But I can see my love through it by connecting. I play musical instruments, I sing as well although I dont really show it to anyone because I felt so low whenever I hear someone sing really well but it also makes me want to become better at it. Maybe I haven't seen it yet. I'm at the phase of still realizing, how giving up my passion is going to do me any good.
