You're not an athlete,
You're not well known
You're just another face in the crowd that no one else knows
My story isn't on the news
It's not even in a police file
Because no one was there when it happened. And it's not going to trial. Because going through all the things to "bring you to justice", with the more likely possibility that you would be set free; would have been more damaging than the actual rape.
You didn't drug me, I didn't drink a drop
But I couldn't fight you off when you got on top.
I met you online, yes I know it was dumb
But in this small southern town,
There's not much to chose from.
There's no mall, no club (I wouldn't go if there was). There's no bowling alley or even a real movie theatre. I don't have friends here so I had to go alone. I text my mom your address just in case I didn't come home.
But I did come home, earlier than my parents expected.
I told them I didn't really like you, you weren't my type, so they didn't question.
They've probably forgotten all about that night by now.
But now they wonder why I'm so emotional all the time, suicidal, depressed, going to a psychologist.
I looked for support groups but once again, I live in this small southern town. Where no one talks about rape, and if it's brought up, it gets shut down.
You're not a frat boy, or a football star, in fact only a few probably know who you are. You don't go out and party, so don't worry about him there, you'll find this one at a desk, in an office chair. I've blocked out your name but I can't forget your face, because every time I leave the house I think I'll see you some place. I think the hardest thing is, I was raped at 14 but it was the typical way, where a jerk drugged my drink. In a perfect world, kids do not drink, and creeps aren't online but that's not how this world works, at least not in mine. It took years to heal from the first time but I finally worked through. Now I can't figure out how to get past you. I told myself if I never put myself in a situation like the one I was in, then this terrible thing couldn't happen again.
But that's not true, not one little bit and I can't figure out... how did it? I probably could have fought you off if I tried harder. But when you just wouldn't stop even after I said no, i realized it didn't matter, it was happening, and I let go. That's the part that eats me the most. I didn't fight, I just laid there while you forced your way in. And all I could think about was how it DID happen again.
No party, no drugs, no drinking, or clubs
No bloody violence..
Just a girl who said no, you didn't have my consent.
I didn't dress up, I had on layers and jeans
But that didn't stop you, not by any means.
Why did you pick me? How many others have you hurt?
Why didn't I fight?
Put your dick in the dirt.
Its awful that I feel like being raped is just a part of life now
Because it can happen at any time, anywhere, to anyone.
When will it not be glamorized on TV that another person got away with it?
Because it's things like that, that made me feel it wasn't even worth it to report it.
I didn't want to be poked and prodded, paint smeared on my body.
I didn't want to be called a liar or told that I liked it
It's not right, it's so wrong
But it happened and now I just have to move on.
I'm finding that a lot easier said than done.
