Today is my one year anniversary with my husband, and there are a few things I have heard over the course of this year and the months leading up to our wedding that I would like to give my thoughts on.
I’d like to start by saying I don’t understand in the least bit some people’s opinions and thoughts on marriage. So many times my husband and I have heard negative remarks on how hard marriage is. They talk about arguments and other things that don’t make sense to me. For example, the other day we had someone say to us, “Wow! You guys have almost made it a year and you are still together! That’s awesome!” I didn’t know what to think. Is being married a year really so shocking? Didn’t we stand across from each other, promising, “till’ death do us part?” Does that mean nothing anymore? Another one that really gets me going is, “If you don’t have arguments or fight in your marriage, then something is wrong. Or someone is being whipped.” My response to that? WOW. Marriage isn’t designed with fights and arguments plugged into the equation. And last time I checked, it take two people to argue, so what’s so hard about being the bigger person and not responding in a time of tension or anger? How hard is it to communicate? Communication is such a big key to success in marriage. I am not saying that disagreements will not arise, because trust me - they do. But a disagreement does not have to become a full blown argument. My husband and I dated for two years and have been married for one. In these three years together we have not had one fight or “yelling” match. How is that possible? Because we communicate with each other and we talk everything over. That includes the disagreements before it can even become something more that we will both regret in the end. We also communicate our thoughts through love and we pray about them before we let them become something they shouldn’t. Most fights are over the silliest things. Most of those things stem from selfishness, because human nature is to put ourselves first, and biblically speaking our spouse should come before us anyways. The Bible clearly states, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)
I’m sure some of you are sitting here thinking to yourself, “They’ve only been together a few years, I’m sure nothing crazy has happened to cause their marriage boat to rock.” I’m standing here today to tell you that you couldn’t be more wrong. We both were still finishing college, my husband was an assistant basketball coach, I played for the women’s college team, we both had classes, many hours of practice, games that took up every weekend, separate jobs, and money going out the door with rent and groceries. It wasn’t easy juggling it all, but we did it together with Christ as our center. We had fun doing it - we took it one day at a time.
Here’s what I’m trying to get at : I am so tired of hearing people talk about early marriage fights as if it is something that must happen - something that is common with all relationships. It’s so sad, and it’s just not true. I am a firm believer that marriage is what you make it. No one else determines or should determine the way you live your marriage out.
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Mark 10:9)
The biggest key to success in marriage is building your relationship on the rock that is Jesus Christ. Have Him become and stay the center of your marriage. With Him, you will not fail. You will still have tough times, you will still battle the battles of this world, but you will have the One that cannot be broken as your base. The closer you draw to Christ, the closer you become to each other. Do not let what anyone else says or does come between this truth. “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32) Forgive each other. Accept that we are human. Don’t be so quick to forget your own flaws and focus on your spouses. We all make mistakes, we all deserve grace because of what Jesus did for us. “ My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.” (James 1:19-21)
In closing - they always say the first year is the hardest. My husband and I both furiously disagree. This first year has been so much fun! We can’t wait for more years just like it. It is what you make it. The first year and all the years to follow. It’s only hard if you both decide to make it that way. And if this year is truly “the hardest”, then by golly we’ll take it because we enjoyed and loved it so incredible much!
Happy One Year Anniversary to the best husband I could ever ask for and ever dream of. The Lord has blessed me so much by putting him in my life and he has blessed the two of us so much in our first year of marriage and I am so excited for the blessings to come in the future.
