Dear Hollywood,
You and I, we go back a long ways. Once, I thought we were in it for the long haul. You’ve produced some unforgettable entertainment and even, on occasion, pieces of true art. Hell, once I loved you so much I earned a master’s degree in Film...
Movies
Dear Sky Movies,
I settled down at 11.30pm on Sunday 26th February 2012 for a 5 hour viewing of your Oscars coverage. I was excited. This is arguably the most important day of the calendar year for the film, fashion and television industry. I expected laughter, tears, frustration, joy (with regards to the awards) and Billy Crystal doing something incredibly American and cheesy. No doubt the speeches, dresses and spectacle would be talked about for weeks to come.
At 11.30 your 'Red Carpet' coverage began. I enjoy watching the stars arrive and I thought what better way to do it than with Sky Movies, a package that I would be lost without. They know what they're talking about, don't they? They always seem to be showing films that I enjoy and want to see, they must have some sort of...
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Dear Respected Filmmaker.
I was recently reading an article about how your company uses the GNU/ Linux Operating System to create movie content. I was happy to learn of this because I myself am a dedicated GNU/Linux user/enthusiast, and I'd like to see GNU/Linux gain more market share so that more people everywhere can enjoy this wonderful software. The truly awesome thing about GNU/Linux is the potential and framework it has to continuously become an even more stellar Operating System for into the future of humanity.
So I'm writing to ask that you give credit to GNU/Linux during the time when the credits roll on films you make with GNU/Linux. I usually see some credit given to lots of things in films(and seemingly weird things sometimes at that), but I don't recall any mention of...
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Dear Kevin,
The news about you deciding to stop making movies is sad news indeed.
Believe it or not, or you may already be aware, there was a time when Woody Allen said the very same thing. Sometime in the ’80s, maybe with the bitterness of “Stardust Memories” still lingering, Allen said he was planning on giving up making movies. It was just too much heartache. Well, he had a change of heart. I hope you will too, sir.
I realize that “Cop Out” was a rough ride. But, whatever the history behind it, whatever this critic or that critic said, it was a fun and funny movie.
Now, with “Red State,” I firmly believe you took your art to a new level bringing in everything you know about filmmkaing, your own authentic voice and a daring vision to say something new. Okay, I will say it as...
5,663
Dear Captain Howdy,
We saw Pitch Perfect 2 this weekend, and it was aca-amazing!
No other movie can pull off cameos from Snoop Dogg, Robin Roberts, the Voice cast, and the Green Bay Packers…even Clay Matthews was singing.
This movie pitch-slapped Mad Max in the weekend box office. This just goes to show you that a female-led and directed movie can stand up to the testosterone laden action adventures of this summer. How can you not love the mash-up of celebrating and mocking acapella music by using a mix of diverse characters like Quiet Lilly, Fat Amy, and Guatemalan Flo? We left laughing and recounting some of the irreverent one-liners.
P.S. We also saw Mad Max. Basically, they drove out to nowhere, a lot of people died a gruesome death, and then they drove back. We’ll never...
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Dear (Sad) Saturday Night Filmmaker,
A little pudge and dark brim glasses aren’t the ingredients to happiness, but making movies for the last few years has come pretty close. I fully understand I’m at the bottom of the filmmaker’s totem, but there’s a trust that I gained with an audience. Self-pride that I hadn’t ever seen or experienced. Growing up, a child of the millennia in the Midwest, I wasn’t a jock, prep, future farmer, super-christian, or burn out. Because of that :
My jokes weren’t as funny (as the dumb jocks)
My insight wasn’t as important (as the spoiled preps)
My friendship didn’t matter (to anyone who wasn’t like me)
The inability to fit into one of those post-pubescent armies made me a unifying target for all of them. “Crack-baby” was my nickname. I was adopted/thin/...
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Dear Shahrukh Khan,
First of all, congratulations!
You have made a movie (Ra.One), which boasts of bad acting, bad script, bad direction, offensive and not-so-funny one-liners, a hare-brained video game and mediocre music which has still managed to fill your coffers quite handsomely.
While the domestic box office collections may not match those of 3 Idiots and Dabangg, thanks to the money earned from dubbed versions, overseas market and all the other umpteen "rights" that Bollywood movies are blessed with nowadays, and no matter what the trade pundits say, you will call Ra.One a blockbuster in the comfort of your bedroom.
While many of your movies split audiences evenly, never has there been such a backlash against one of your movies on social networking sites and the...
3,362
Dear Gwyneth,
I really enjoyed your recent comments to E! about how easy an office job is for parents, compared to the grueling circumstances of being on a movie set. “I think it’s different when you have an office job, because it’s routine and, you know, you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening,” you said. “When you’re shooting a movie, they’re like, ‘We need you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks,’ and then you work 14 hours a day, and that part of it is very difficult. I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as, of course there are challenges, but it’s not like being on set.”
As a mother of a toddler, I couldn’t agree more!
“Thank God I don’t make millions filming one movie per year” is what I say to myself pretty much every morning...
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Dear Mr Jeffrey Jacob Abrams,
I trust this letter finds you well and no doubt buried deep in post production for The Force Awakens. These are exciting times and as deadlines tighten I apologise for stealing you away for a parsec but this is a matter most urgent.
In the iconic words of Uncle Ben (Parker, not the rice guy), “with great power must come great responsibility” and no doubt you are aware of the precipice upon which you stand. Sadly, Mr. Lucas could no longer be trusted with his own creation after the prequels hurt loyal fans throughout the galaxy. And so, as we dust ourselves off from Attack of the Clowns, green screen overkill and that bumbling Gungan oaf, we bid God speed to our George and gaze wistfully towards the Tatooine horizon.
Although no good will come of...
2,302
Dear Marty and Leo,
I can call you Marty and Leo, right? It's all the rage with dummies penning open letters to you guys, and I'm just following suit. Anyway, Marty and Leo, I really enjoyed The Wolf of Wall Street. I think it's an exceptional work from both of you, and I think the way it indicts not just Jordan Belfort but the entire capitalist system is thrilling. You guys knocked this one out of the park, and anyone who thinks you're glorifying these guys is an idiot, and probably needs to learn how to watch movies beyond the most passive, gape-mouthed way.
But my enjoyment of the film has begun to turn to ash. Doing some digging into the life of Jordan Belfort I discovered you guys - willfully, I must assume - have left out some vital elements of Belfort's life. Your film is...
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