Dear Sky Movies,
I settled down at 11.30pm on Sunday 26th February 2012 for a 5 hour viewing of your Oscars coverage. I was excited. This is arguably the most important day of the calendar year for the film, fashion and television industry. I expected laughter, tears, frustration, joy (with regards to the awards) and Billy Crystal doing something incredibly American and cheesy. No doubt the speeches, dresses and spectacle would be talked about for weeks to come.
At 11.30 your 'Red Carpet' coverage began. I enjoy watching the stars arrive and I thought what better way to do it than with Sky Movies, a package that I would be lost without. They know what they're talking about, don't they? They always seem to be showing films that I enjoy and want to see, they must have some sort of amazing coverage planned. So you can imagine my surprise when Alex Zane, Nick Moran, Natalia Tena and a film critic from Heat Magazine (Heat Magazine have a film critic?) were broadcasting from a studio. If I had wanted to hear a bunch of people chatting about the films nominated, I would have started a conversation about the Oscars with my friends. I don't think one meaningful insight into films was made, yet the 'panel' were discussing how 'totally awesome' The Artist was as if they were wisened scholars.
Nick Moran. Who is Nick Moran? Has he ever been nominated for an Oscar? Who is he? Seriously, can someone please tell me. Alex Zane set himself up for a fail by introducing him as "the guy who terrorised Harry Potter and has recently turned his hand to directing". The guy I thought terrorised Harry Potter and has recently turned his hand to directing was Ralph Fiennes, and for a moment I was pretty impressed that Sky Movies had managed to get someone so famous on their show. But no. I'm not saying that people shouldn't be entitled to their views, but he was about as contrary as he could possibly be. He simply had to express the view that is not held by the masses. Fair enough if he's not into mainstream films, but that is essentially what the Oscars are about, is it not? I don't recall an award for best independent picture.
I think this Nick Moran (whoever he is) probably received a hard enough time on Twitter for his horrifying remarks about John Williams, one of the most famous and well-loved film composers of all time, but it really was out of line. Just in case he was wondering, I can sing Schindler's List and then Harry Potter with no trouble whatsoever. His soundtracks might have a very distinctive sound, but they don't all sound the same by a long way, and he's written some brilliant music for fantasy, sci-fi, war, dramas and comedies. Just because he always uses a full traditional orchestra it really doesn't make him boring. Fair enough he's rather mainstream, and probably filthy rich, but he's had 47 Oscar nominations... he's not exactly lazy is he? If his soundtracks really do all sound the same, I'm pretty sure someone at the Academy would have thought 'hang on, this soundtrack to War Horse is the spit of the Jaws soundtrack, he's clearly self-plagarising' and not nominated him.
(Totally on a rant here, but: besides, there's brilliant composers that self-plagarise way more than Williams - Hans Zimmer literally lifted a whole part of the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack from his Gladiator score, and his Batman Scores are definitely from the same family as his Dan Brown scores (Da Vinci Code etc). Composers recycle ideas, get over it. It's better for a composer to use his own idea again and again than to use someone else's again and again. Film music works because the audience are comfortable with a set of rules that most mainstream film music sticks to - they know how to read the music - John Williams is brilliant at this, why should he change just because Nick Moran wants something different. No thank you.)
In fact, I'd go so far as to say I'd advocate censoring Nick Moran's views on film music because he is quite obviously wrong.
As for Natalia Tena, I've always found her annoying, but tonight she really brought it to new levels. She should have been forgotten about after About A Boy, but no, they had to bring her back. She was probably the least pleasing member of the 'panel' because at least Nick Moran tried to express some sort of intelligent opinion, I don't think she said anything worthwhile the whole time she was there. Plus she fiddled. ALL THE TIME. She was like a small child who had been given way too much Coca-Cola.
Oh well, I thought, it can't be too much of them just chatting about how 'overrated' Hugo was or how Meryl Streep leaves Nick Moran 'cold'. After all, it's the red carpet coverage. So after an hour, I was getting a little worried. I could see from Twitter that people such as FilmFour and Total Film were seeing red carpet coverage somewhere, but Sky Movies was still lacking in any interviews with celebrities. I finally switched over to E! where the majority of people on Twitter seemed to be headed, and that was what I wanted to see. Some guy with a mic asking celebrities who they were wearing and a couple of questions about who they thought should win. Then there was a panel gossiping about the dresses and stars. If you're not going to have a proper debate about the films and nominees, then please go the whole hog and have really shallow discussion about the films. Given that all the credible film critics are probably at the Oscars, this is probably a safer bet than having people who think they know what they're talking about chat mindlessly about their favourite films.
Next year, please sort yourself out and actually give some decent coverage of the red carpet, or just don't bother. Also you could save a lot of money by not putting on the panel after each advert break, but rather just broadcast the whole ceremony live without any interruptions from annoying television presenters like Alex Zane.
Yours sincerely,
The writers at Movies, Music and Soap
