THE BACKSTORY:
Our teacher/student nightmare began in November 2014 when many who knew of the female teacher's criminal behavior, but refused to acknowledge it & sadly, turned a blind eye. The evidence of inappropriate interactions between the teacher and several male students was reported. According to witnesses, the teacher was reprimanded. However, the parents & community were never notified.
A year later, in November of 2015, video evidence surfaced. The evil brought about by the 44yr old teacher (married with teenage sons of her own) could no longer be ignored. The disturbing video of the teacher & one of her minor male victims, was the first of many shocking discoveries involving this female teacher & a large number of her underage, male students.
Through her active use of social media platforms & the limited knowledge most parents have of their children's "digital" whereabouts, she was able to lure a vast number of male students with the same calculated tactics used by most serial sex offenders. If you have ever seen Dateline's "To Catch a Predator," you are familiar with these types of predator's, the bait they use & the intent they have to carry their "online interactions" into "real life" sexual encounters. The content she sent through to the student's social media accts & popular phone apps revealed a viral and unmeasurable amount of sexual victimization towards minors.
NOT YOUR MARY KAY:
It was & still is apparent, (like many cases these days), the teacher in our case is no Mary Kay Letourneau. Our teacher is a nearly middle-aged woman with an exclusive obsession & sexual fascination with adolescent boys, ranging from 14-17 years old. There wasn't one boy. There were many. Victims from different social circles, most not knowing of the others & all left damaged in profound ways. Can you imagine a young boy unknowingly being used & then, scorned by an adult woman when he's just beginning to interact with & trust the opposite sex? The damages last a lifetime. According to the credible reference, DSM-5, an adult's primary & isolated sexual attraction to this age group is referred to as “Pubescent Pedophilia.”
This teacher has strategically used digital/social media platforms to reach her ideal age group. This powerful & often unsupervised territory where teens lurk, has allowed her to covertly "cast her nets" far & wide. Her moral obligations to honor her marriage, her children, her family, her profession, her colleagues, her students, their families & the law were not enough to prevent her from feeding her criminal desires. If she is not charged & held accountable by adequate sentencing, her habitual behaviors will continue & she will re-offend.
HE SPEAKS!:
Silence to a sex offender is like water to a vine. With it, it thrives. Without it, it dies.
One of the minor male victims of sexual assault in our case, decided his former female teacher could no longer have his silence. So, when the media gave him a voice, he spoke & it was powerful.
It takes a lot of courage for a young boy to speak publicly about his feelings & experiences after being sexually violated by a female teacher. Statistically, teenage boys are the least likely to speak out against their assailants, because of the gender-based stereotypes that shape their thoughts. The reaction, the comments, the support, the protection, the justice & public perception from adults & peers are not the same as seen when teenage girls are sexually manipulated by adult males. Sadly, these “double-standard” view points are exactly the reason why many of the other male victims in our case are not coming forward.
The adolescent boy who recently spoke publicly is not the only one feeling the detrimental effects of the sexual abuse brought on by the teacher. There are many other minor male victims in this case that we may never hear from. However, this boy's brave effort to come forward is setting an inspirational example & sending a supportive message to the other boys who may be suffering in silence & feeling alone. His deep desire to show his fellow victims they are not alone & to be the voice of awareness they all need is both endearing and influential.
OUR MISSION:
We are family, friends & peers seeking justice & support for adolescent boys who have recently become victims of sexual misconduct by a trusted female teacher. With the help of others, we hope to bring awareness to this growing crime & help change society's perception regarding minor male victims of woman predators. Through study, data collection & our collaborations with experts in adolescent trauma, we are working hard to bring change. Minor males who are sexually abused by their female teachers face an unfair "double standard" in the initial reporting of the crime, throughout the investigation and during the legal process to charge & sentence their female abuser. Through our #boyslivesmatter movement, we are pushing for gender equality in these areas & calling all entities of authority to make a change for boys by proving #allkidsmatter.
We believe the more support the male victims witness through the actions of the school district, the police, the media & legal systems, the more male victims will come forward & their female offenders will be stopped. While we pursue our mission, the boys living in silence need to know we are standing in the gap & fighting this fight for them. When they are ready, we are here to hear their truths & support their healing. Until then, our focus is to bring correction to any & all public misconceptions regarding the sexual abuse of underage boys by trusted, adult females.
2 MAJOR MISCONCEPTIONS IN CASES WHERE FEMALE TEACHERS SEXUALLY VIOLATE MINOR MALE STUDENTS
1. FEAR:
HOW COULD YOU FEAR A WOMAN? YOU'RE A BIG BOY. YOU OUTSIZE & OUT MUSCLE HER. YOU COULD'VE SAID NO.
"I WAS AFRAID OF HER, DUDE! IF I REJECTED HER IN ANY WAY, SHE WENT CRAZY. IF I TOLD THE SCHOOL, SHE SWORE SHE WOULD KILL ME & KILL HERSELF."
What the public needs to know is these boys aren't afraid of a woman "physically." They are afraid of her "crazy." This is about women who desire a certain age group. It's about luring their targets with sweetness, getting a hook in & turning cold in rejection. They get what they want by force & groomed silence through coercion, threats & mental/emotional manipulation. The tactics used by these women are calculated & fear is intended as an objective to their main goal. The thing is, long after the predator has accomplished her mission & moved on to the next target, the fear, guilt & shame left in the victim will multiply in his silence. Can you imagine hiding this for years & years & how this, if not expressed & addressed, will effect all their relationships in the future?
2. FANTASY:
HOW IS THIS ABUSE? EVERY TEENAGE BOY HAS A "HOT FOR TEACHER" FANTASY. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT & ENJOY!
"THIS WASN'T MY FANTASY. IT WAS HERS. SHE MADE IT MY REALITY & THAT IS A WHOLE OTHER BALLGAME."
The "Hot for Teacher" fantasy. Ok. I get it. As a boy is becoming aware of his sexuality, everything is alluring & new. Attention from a beautiful girl or woman is naturally exciting for boys. By nature, males are visually stimulated & their bodies & minds respond, but in adolescence they are still in the midst of physical, emotional, mental & sexual development. These days, teens (girls & boys) may look physically developed, but it misrepresents the underdeveloped areas that lie underneath. Studies show, interrupting normal development with adverse sexual experiences will have detrimental effects on both male & female teens in their future.
The adolescent imagination is active & fantasies are normal for both boys & girls. However, at this age, teens do not fully understand the ramifications that come along with a fantasy becoming a reality. Along with the sexual experience, these women are luring these boys into adult territory with adult issues & adult problems they are, mentally & emotionally, ill-equipped to handle.
In most cases, where female teachers sexually abuse male minors, the women are married & may even have children. A grown man would choose to avoid the emotional drama that comes along with being "the other man" at all costs. Why would anyone put a minor in this position & subject them to this undeserving, domestic dysfunction? This "fantasy" doesn't take into consideration the "reality" behind these situations that is often too much for a grown adult to handle.
THE FANTASY:
Let's put "fantasy" into perspective. Boys "fantasize" about endless cash flow & fast cars too, but any adult (in their right mind) would not give a minor keys to a Ferrari & full access to a loaded bank account. Yes, "physically" they can drive & yes, they do know "the basics" of spending money, but what they want & what they are equipped to handle are two different things. This is why there are laws to protect the "well being & normal development" of all teenagers who may be unaware of the things adults know will harm them.
Questions to ask supporters of this fantasy:
1. "What if this was your minor daughter & an adult, male teacher? Would you still give high-fives for a fantasy fulfilled?"
2. "What if this woman was your wife having sex with teenagers?”
3. “What if this woman was your mom sending nudes & sexually explicit videos to all the boys you go to school with everyday? Would you still think the fantasy was harmless & normal?"
Trust me, the husbands & kids in these situations do not think it is cool or normal. They certainly are not blaming the minor boys for this crime. In addition to the adverse effects on the underage male victims, the families of the woman perpetrators suffer as well. Can you imagine how a badly a woman's depraved needs & lack of self-control would severely hurt her innocent family?
In no way shape or form should this perceived "fantasy" becoming a detrimental “reality" be applauded by others or trivialized by the laws. The significant damage to adolescent boys is always revealed in the aftermath of these crimes. The negative effects on a developing boy are unmeasurable & without therapy, they can last a lifetime. The women causing the harm should be viewed the same as a man who commits the exact crimes & therefore, punished to the full extent of the law.
THE REALITY:
Bottom line, using a developing boy to fulfill an adult woman's perverse desires is criminal & detrimental to his future relationships as a man, husband & father.
Therapists working with men who were sexually abused in childhood have conducted clinical case studies and consistently reported findings on possible long-term effects including:
• Guilt and self-blame Lew, 1988; Myers, 1989; Hunter, 1990.
• Low self-esteem and negative self-image Lew, 1988; Myers, 1989.
• Problems with intimacy Dimock, 1988; Lew, 1988; Krug, 1989; Hunter, 1990.
• Sexual issues, compulsions or dysfunctions Dimock, 1988; Lew, 1988; Myers, 1989; Hunter, 1990.
• Drug/Alcohol abuse and depression Krug, 1989.
• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Myers, 1989.
• Anxiety and Dissociation Lisak, 1994.
• Anger,Hostility and fear Lisak, 1994.
• Sleep disturbances Lisak, 1994.
• Impaired relationships & trust issues Lisak, 1994.
• Loss of interest & diminished performance in school, work, activities & relationships wrcofwinona.org, 2013
• Flashbacks wrcofwinona.org, 2013
• Chronic physical illnesses related to anxiety wrcofwinona.org, 2013
THE VISION OF #BOYSLIVESMATTER:
The families & friends of minor male victims are compelled to fill a need with our #boyslivesmatter movement. We believe, by educating others, spreading awareness & gathering community support, the needs & protection of minor boys will be held in as high regard as with minor girls.
Minor boys need
•school districts
•law enforcement
•legal systems
•county judges
•global media
•families & communities
to stand up & make a difference by insisting upon & sending "zero tolerance" messages to all adult women who are arrested, charged & sentenced with sexual crimes against minor males.
Regardless of gender:
1. Wrong is wrong.
2. Do the crime, do the time.
3. Support breaks silence & heals wounds.
4. Proving #boyslivesmatter proves #allkidsmatter.
TO THE PUBLIC & PUBLIC OFFICIALS:
We need you! Please join us in supporting the minor male victims of adult women predators. When we go beyond prayers & add action by sharing the powerful truths, we stop evil wrongdoing in its tracks. When we fight to safeguard the lives of children, we produce healthy, well functioning adults for generations to come. Our collaborative actions, versus inaction, will change gender stereotypes, bring equality in the sentencing of all abusers & turn victims into survivors. Thank you for following our story & being “moved to move” for our boys!
OUR THANKS:
Although, this story & madness has rocked the world of many families since it became public in November 2015, we rejoice in the huge miracles we've witnessed & in the many heroes we've met along the way!
• Much love & many blessings to the brave teen victim who spoke to NBC (words can not express how proud he's made our community, other victims & his peers). His courage & testimony is moving mountains. At a high cost, he's been called to a great purpose.
• Thank you to the family featured in our local news story & the tenacity they've displayed in showing their love & seeking justice for their son. Just wait until you hear from his dad!
• We are beyond grateful for the reporter who truly cares about "making a difference" & not just "making a story." Tony S. has proved he honors his profession with great integrity. His dedication to true journalism is unmatched. #ourspotlight
• Amazed by the kids who witnessed the crimes & who weren't afraid to "speak up." They took risks few would take to help their school administration & local law enforcement stop a predator. This is what we teach & their heroic efforts in saving their friends & future victims should be recognized & celebrated!
• Grateful the students at our High School who have shown unwavering support & dedication to the victims & witnesses throughout this difficult journey. Things would be much harder on them without all of you. We couldn't be more proud! We have a great student body with amazing parents! Thank you!
