When I was six years old, I was repeatedly sexually abused by a boy I called my friend. I say “boy” because he was only eight at the time. And the worst part? I’m not even sure he knew what he was doing was wrong. You see, his mom had an abusive boyfriend, and I’m sure he hurt her in more ways than one. The boy’s penetrations of me were usually with foreign objects. 8-year-old boys don’t think of that on their own. 8-year-old boys imitate the actions of the adults in their life. The boyfriend would come over and the boy would drag me into his bedroom. I always went, even though I knew it would hurt. I went because he seemed so miserable and I was conditioned to be a caretaker for the men around me. So I went. I would kick and squirm and cry, but he would assure me that “this is what boys do to girls.” This past Friday, when I heard Donald Trump excuse his vile rhetoric as simply “locker room talk”, I was instantaneously transported right back to that bedroom.
I have kept the boy’s secret for a very long time because even though I now know it was wrong and have acknowledged the scars it’s left on my psyche; I am still a caretaker. It’s hardwired into me. I resent that in myself, I really do. There are times when I am- even still- uncomfortable with intimacy and I wish that I could be angry with him, but he is simply a product of this society. A world in which rape victims are slut shamed in the media, in the courtroom… “What were you wearing?” “How much did you have to drink?” “Did you kiss him?” “How many men have you slept with?”. Rape is framed as a women’s problem even though it’s an epidemic that effects both men and women every day. Rape is framed as a victim’s problem. Our little girls are taught to always use the buddy system. To be cautious around men. Not to drink too much at parties. Meanwhile, our boys are taught nothing and so they don’t learn.
As a victim, I urge you, parents- teach your sons what is right and what is wrong. Teach them to love and respect women, not hurt them. Teach them that they are not entitled to a woman’s body- or another man’s, for that matter. Teach them to be good and lead by example. A real man is one who says something when they see something. A real man is one who asks for consent. A real man is an ally and an advocate for the inebriated man or woman at the party, or the young girl in the dark alley, or the coworker who’s being harassed. A real man is brave because believe me, standing up for someone or something takes courage. Teach your son to be brave because the children of weak men and women are the ones that etch the scars like the ones I bear.
I pray that there will come a time in which a story like this one never needs to be told again. Where a person doesn’t have to stand on a stage and tell a room full of strangers something she can barely discuss with herself. I am sharing this with you despite the mental anguish I feared it would cause. Despite the embarrassment I feel even though I have nothing to be ashamed of. Even though it was not my fault. I am leading by example because my mother taught me to be brave. I pray that you will do the same for your children, and will find the courage within yourself not to vote for Donald Trump, even if you are a Republican. Children watch. Children listen. Children emulate. And what message will it send to your children if you help to elect a man like Donald Trump to the highest office in the land? A man who is a purveyor of rape culture, the poster-boy for male privilege and entitlement. Do not reward this man and his behavior with the presidency. Please. You might think it doesn’t matter, that it’s old news, and I understand people change. But he hasn’t. Not one bit. A truly changed man would apologize- he hasn’t. If you thought that video he released was a sincere apology, you weren’t listening.
I am 19 years old now, meaning that the trauma I experienced took place in 2005- the same year Trump made his comments to Billy Bush. So you can brush it off as “old news”, but for women and men like me- for the survivors- these things will never truly get old. My memories of those assaults I suffered are locked in place, never wavering, never forfeiting the real estate they claimed all those years ago. To say this is “old news” is to admit your privilege. So if you are one of the lucky 3 out of 4 women that won’t be raped in your lifetime, or one of the 32 out of 33 men, then find it in your heart to help the rest of us. Please. The ones who aren’t as lucky. Help us reject a candidate who not only condones this violence, but also participates in it. Reject Donald Trump. This election isn’t an issue of Democrat vs. Republican anymore. This election is a test of your humanity.
