When I first saw you, it was love at first site. I knew we would connect. We connected. We continued staying connected. Until one day you closed down my account, god only knows for what reason.
After you closed my account I wrote you a love letter, but you ignored me. I hated you for a while. I thought you were not fair, you were cold, you were evil. But then time heals all wounds.
Years later, I proceeded to open up a new account. After all, bygones are bygones… Besides, there was a time when in all fairness we really connected… Just as expected, when I opened up my new account, you have sent me an email asking me to verify my email address. This I wouldn't really have minded, if it had worked. Firstly you ask me whether I am human (no, Twitter, I am an alien ghost trapped on this planet!), then you ask me to verify my email, as if I was a liar! What next, a Twitter lie detector?
The real liar, in fact, is you! Yes, Twitter, you are a liar! You sent me a link which doesn't work! I've asked you to send me another link, but you sent me the same link again, which still doesn't work. It says “The email confirmation link you followed is invalid. Click "Resend confirmation" from Settings for a new one.” So now we are in a hopeless, sticky situation going in loops - a catch-22.
Just when I got ready to start tweeting, my account got suspended. Why? I barely managed to send a tweet! I read your terms, Twitter, and I didn't see anything exceptional telling a user not to tweet, at all. Surely a simple tweet can’t be in breach of your terms... Unless, of course, since our last break up you wrote separate terms just for me, in which case you should send me the page. And not a link, as your links do not work, a nice old fashioned piece-of-paper page. You have my address, right Twitter?
While I was most ‘delighted to’ learn that the account was suspended, I was nonetheless curious as to why it was suspended and inevitably wanted to get to the bottom of this. In search of truth, I rather eagerly opened up a ticket. And no, I clearly did not think this one through. But then, just as I opened a ticket, you sent me a notification that you closed my ticket! I mean come on! What sort of a ping-pong game is this Twitter? You can’t be serious! Surely, you must realize this is extremely juvenile and not at all befitting your intended personality of a global leader.
Well, we have now reached the point, Twitter, where quite frankly I should just put you on a grill and end this blue bird drama. But I know you have always been a bit loopy, Twitter. So I’ll forgive you.
See you next lifetime.