Many of you, unfortunately, are far from me. Not just in space, or in hours, but in new life stepping stones. Some of you, I'm not even sure where you live anymore, if you are in a relationship, whether or not you still think of me. I have no clue what you're thinking, how you're doing, if you have people to tell you how incredibly awesome you are? I don't even know if you still like the things you used to like, if you're political views have changed, if you won the lottery. I just don't.
This is mostly my fault. I am so terrible at texting and calling. I have no space on my phone for group chat or any social apps. I could make more of an effort to save money to come see you, to send you letters or packages, to tell you the many strange things that occur in my life. I don't, and I am so sorry for that.
What I did do, though, was write you a letter. And it just might be grammatically atrocious, but I want you to know a few things from an old friend, and even if I didn't make much of an imprint on your life, I want you to know that you made a huge one on mine.
1. I still think about you all of the time.
I still think about time we spent together. Laughs, tears, fights over school nothings. I still think about all those things. Trust me I'm not dwelling, I'm happy! I love that I shared those crazy, funny, painful, ridiculous moments with you, because there is no one else that moment could have been shared with.
2. I hope you know how wonderful you are.
Life has a way of really making someone undervalue themselves. I bet many of you are feeling that right now. Don't. Because I think you are amazing, do amazing things, and will continue to be amazing. You are a kind person, a beautiful person, I wouldn't be giving a hoot about you if it weren't true! You think my lazy self would write an open letter to just anyone? Nope, just you.
3. You saved my life.
In one way or another, you did. You were there for me in my darkest hours, when I felt most alone, and you didn't care. You continued to make me smile and have faith and give me strength to grow, instead of giving up at any time. I really don't let many people in to my true emotions, I put out my smile and act as if everything is totally fine. You've probably seen a not-so-pretty version of me, but you stuck around anyway, and I don't deserve people like that. But I am grateful I had them.
4. You're going to receive a wedding invitation someday.
Hey, I'm telling you this now so you're not all "What? I haven't heard from this girl in like five years? I haven't even met this guy? Why's she inviting me?". Okay. You made an impact. Not my fault you had to be so cool that I am probably going to have you watch me work my thang on a wedding dance floor! Maybe you should have thought of that before caring about me, I mean, obviously.
5. I really should tell you this more.
I really should. I should be around to cheer you on and give you loads of high fives. I'm sorry I'm not, it is a very busy and rough time on me right now. If you want an update on life I can give it to you later but this letter isn't about me, it's about you! I just wanted you to know that I am sorry I don't work harder at our friendship, I want to, I'm just a stinker.
6. Just know it hasn't and won't change.
That's the last part. You are always going to be a person that holds a special place in my heart. No matter how far away you are, how long it's been since I've seen you or heard from you, you're just going to always be someone I think of and wish well for.
You deserve an amazing, beautiful, painless life. Unfortunately, it probably won't go that way so easily.
