Dear Mother and Father:
This is one of the hardest letters I have ever written due to the fact that I have had a battle in my mind about what to say. I’m not sure if I should tell you that I’m glad you weren’t there for me because it made me who I am, or I am so sad that you weren’t there for me because it made you who you are. As I sit here, in my dimly lit room at Bible college, I can tell you one thing; I know what true love is. It takes the form of cuddles at bedtime, kisses goodnight, story books, dinners made and the tears shed on the first day of kindergarten. It takes the shape of telling you about my first crush, my first kiss, my first boyfriend. It forms when I come home crying and lay in your lap, tear streaming down my face because that stupid boy broke my heart. It’s when you, Father, threaten to get your shotgun out and have a talk with him. It’s when you, Mother, help your daughter get dressed for prom and homecoming. It’s all of those nights spent together playing board games or cards, or all of those days on the beach, spending time together as a family. It’s when you see your daughter get saved, baptized, and sanctified. It’s when you see her graduate from high school and throw her cap into the air in triumph. It’s when you drive her to her first day of college and are as scared as she is because she is flying the nest. It’s when you see her walk down the aisle, or have her first baby, or get her first house. That is love. True love. I know another thing; you didn’t do most of that with me. Sure, you can check a few things off of that list, but ultimately you weren’t there to experience any of my “big” moments. You tell me you love me all the time but do you really show it? When was the last time I saw you? When was the last time you made an effort to go out of your way to see me? YOU should be the ones seeking me out, not the opposite. I am the daughter, you are the parents.
Growing up, you weren’t there for me, as much as you say you were. You both emotionally checked out when I was 11. Those were the formative years of my life, and I am still paying for the damage you have done. You left when I needed you the most. You decided that having kids wasn’t fun and went your own way. How selfish of you. How selfish to just write me off like I didn’t matter, and turn to something that would destroy you. Thanks for trading me in for drugs and alcohol. Thanks for making me take care of my siblings when I was only 11. You know, that is too young to be a mother. You took away my childhood. Thanks for making my poor grandmother care for me 5 years, when it was your job. No really, thanks for that. I was a lot better off with her than I was with you. SHE cared. SHE truly loved. SHE was there for everything you weren’t. She made me who I am today.
Another thing that made me who I am today is the TRUE love of Jesus that has NEVER failed me. Even though YOU walked out, He never did. He was always there. He has shown me that there is a Father when your father walks away. He has whispered in my ear His promise to never forsake me. He has held me in His arms when you wouldn’t. He loved me enough to DIE for me so that I could be with Him.
As much as I want you to love me as much as I needed, I know you never could. I think you loved me as much as you could, but it wasn’t a true love. It was distorted by poor choices and selfishness. So I guess that I can’t blame you after all. I guess what I’m trying to say is I forgive you.
Love,
Your Daughter
