The first time I remember being violated by you I had fallen asleep on the couch watching T.V. with you. I woke up to find my pants pulled down and I felt you rubbing your penis on my butt. I slowly stood up and just walked to my room. The second time you were about to go to work and I was asleep in my High School Musical pants, I woke up to your hand up the leg of my pants fingering me. I pretended nothing was happening. After a while of things like this happening mom started to get suspicious and kept asking me things about it. When I finally told the truth I felt ashamed and dirty. We went to the cops and I told them everything. But you and mom pressured me into changing my story and saying nothing had happened and I had said yes just to say it.
The molestation stopped for awhile. When I was in 7th grade it started again. I didn't tell because I didn't want the same thing to happen again. In 8th grade I finally told a close friend and he took me to the counselor and sat with me while I told her everything. My mom took me out of school the same day and I never saw my friend or spoke to him again. We went through the whole process again; cops, social service workers, child advocates. I was only 13. My mom convinced me once again that I should tell them it wasn't true. So I did to make her happy. The abuse continued for awhile after that and eventually it stopped. But I am forever ruined. I was forced to grow up too fast. I wish all the time that I had not gone back on my word twice. I wish it had never happened at all. But it did. And it happens to girls all the time. Im sorry if you are going through sexual abuse. Its scary, I know. Telling someone really will help. It will feel like your world is crashing down, you'll be scared and sad. But in the end it will be worth it. I still have nightmares about it. I still have issues from it. Please be safe and get help. There are people that care. There is nothing to be ashamed about, its not your fault.
