An Open Letter to my mother in law

Subject: An Open Letter to my mother in law
Date: 27 Oct 2015

To you Mother in law,

It would have been really nice to have opened this letter with a pleasant and loving salutation, but your unpleasant and hateful behavior does not give me much of a choice but to say it as it is.

I am the wife of your son and the future mother of any grandchild/ren that he will give to you. I express gratitude to you for raising my husband to be the man I love and adore. He is a loving spouse, and once he is able to get past your emotional tentacles and the years of enmeshment you entrenched in him, he will truly be a gem. That being said, I acknowledge your role in his life, now if only you can do the same to me. I have known my husband, your son for more than 10 years. We were very good, platonic friends for years before we fell in love. Unknown to you during the years of our friendship he shared some of his deepest darkest secrets with me. I knew his fears and comforted him during difficult times, while he did the same for me; these are the things true friends do. One of the things he confided in me was his fear that you felt he should never leave home, and expected him to reside at your residence for the rest of his life. He felt stifled and wanted a way out from your family home. He felt that you and the rest of the family were preventing him from achieving his goals. I guess you have no idea he felt that way, far less that he has expressed it to someone else.

You actively looked for and found flaws in every woman he dated, even the well cultured, polite girlfriend he had a relationship with before we began dating. You openly disliked her and made no qualms about your feelings. Can you remember when her father died and she asked him whether she can place his name on the obituary as her significant other? She was so well mannered, she didn’t just assume because they were dating that she should, she asked him. He came home and mentioned to you and your mini you, your toxic, youngest daughter that you will see his name in the obituary. You both threw a tantrum and said hell no! Why? What was so wrong about that? Do you have any feelings for others? Her father had just died for goodness sakes! You went as far as to let her know when she called for him later during the day, that you do not think she should put your son/brother’s name in the obituary. The poor, distraught woman already in a state of grief, simply left it out and told my husband about your actions weeks after. What is really wrong with you and your daughter?

When his ex-girlfriend decided that based on that situation you clearly disliked her and quit visiting your home, you went around telling people that you have done nothing to her. Your hypocrite daughter who pretended to be her friend all along supported you. But the ex was wise, she simply quit visiting and calling your house, I guess that made you very happy. What do you really hope to achieve by being so nasty to the women in your son’s life?

Fast forward to me; when he and I were friends, you and I spoke on the telephone for extended periods. We would chit chat about various topics and had some pretty interesting conversations. When we began dating and you did not know who it was he was dating, you told your stinking niece that this new relationship is different and that he is different. He seems really happy and you are wondering what is going on. Now that was pretty simple, he had fallen in love! He met his soul mate, his rib and he was experiencing true love for the first time in his life. Is that so strange to you? Weren’t you ever in love?

When he brought me home to meet you for the first time, you appeared shocked and dismayed. Oh don’t think I did not see the look on your face. I came there in full psychological study mode, so I read your body language and tone way more than your words. You mustered up a smile through gritted teeth and your hunched shoulders were as stiff as a block. You further reinforced your displeasure via the choice of words said between your spits of lobster shells when he introduced us. That action was so gross and rude; it was an instant turn off! Where are your manners? He introduced me to you as your daughter in law, you retorted by telling us that he should have said I am his new girlfriend. Clearly girlfriends were all you desired for your son, and even that was an issue, a wife was never in your picture. Anyway I stomached your rotten but lasting first impression, and like the lady I was raised to be, I rose above your gutter behavior and spent the rest of the evening being pleasant and friendly but psychologically analyzing you. Yes, you had no idea of that also, I know but it’s all good. It worked out very well for me, from that day I knew that our journey as mother and daughter in law would have been a tumultuous one, I sensed it. It also allowed me to wise up and keep you at arm’s length, decisions I am so happy I made.

One will think that you would have stopped there given the fact that you noticed your son happily in love for the first time in his life. The woman he fell in love with was not a total stranger to you and clearly they had a history together. But hell no, you grew resentful, cynical, hostile, angrier and more disrespectful by the minute. On our subsequent visits or meetings I was met with openly hostility and anger by you. Regardless of my approach you snapped at me and reinforced each time that you disliked me. This dislike grew to hatred within a short space of time, and your rants and raves were more pronounced, it got to such a terrible state that your son told me that he does not desire you and I spend any length of time together going forward until your attitude changes. Ah well, that change is yet to be seen, you acted up even worst when we got engaged. Imagine telling your son that you hope he is planning for a wedding and not a divorce! Really! Is that what you wish upon him? A divorce which leaves so many emotional scars, similar to the ones you were left with. Don’t you think that the pattern should cease? After all, both you and a daughter of yours have had divorces, was it such a pleasurable experience to wish upon your ‘golden child’?

Our relationship only went downhill from there, I struggled to bring myself to be even civil to you but I succeeded. Little did you know that I had to mentally psych myself to be in the same vicinity as yourself. What a shame! You took a total back seat to our wedding preparations, you did want to even wear the 'mother's corsage' that was given to you, and when you did you wore it above your right breast, I guess that's where your heart is located. Damn idiot! You just showed our guests your true ignorant and illiterate nature. In fact I just recently learned that you did not wish to come to our wedding. Why didn’t you follow through on your desire then and stay away? You would have done us a great favor, the day would have flowed much better without your dark and disgusting presence. Your attitude and the ones of those under your thumb stunk to the highest degree. I still struggle to forgive the atrocious and acrimonious behavior that was displayed by you and your clan. It’s despicable! What makes you think that it will be acceptable to say to your new daughter in law on her wedding day that she was not your choice for your son. Would you have liked your mother in law to say that to you, or someone to any of your four daughters? Where are your feelings? Are you human?

So we are married now, through all the trials and hurdles we have gone through no thanks to you and your posse; we have risen above them in 'Jesus name' and can look back upon our accomplishments with thanks. We are now living in our own property and looking forward to adding to our family. Just what makes you think that we will include you in anything that we do? How are you deserving of sharing happy milestones in our lives? Being the mother of my husband does not place you in any position to hurt and abuse me, which you have. You and your crew spread all sorts of nasty rumors about me leading up to our wedding day. It was so terrible that people accosted me on the day threatening me if I harmed your son, my husband; whom I just pledged before God and man to love for the rest of our natural lives. But it got worse, your wicked niece attempted to take me away from him permanently when she poisoned me via a puncture to my arm on the day. In case it slipped you, let us recap our wedding day; you, your youngest daughter, step daughter in law, youngest son and your niece openly ensured that people knew that you and the family did not approve of our marriage and that it was not going to last. To ensure it does not last. An attempt was made on my life, but I survived! You stupid, ignorant fool, (at the risk of being redundant), God’s grace and power is mightier! Being unsuccessful via that method, you quickly moved to another, you decided to sow further seeds of discord by telling people I think I am better than all of you, I don’t visit your house and you have done nothing to me. Where is your conscience? Do you have one? Have you and your conspirators lost your minds? Are you so blinded by hatred that you cannot see the joy and contentment in your son’s life?

You blame me for every change seen in your son. We got married and we were on our honeymoon, one you and your conspirers tried your damnest to spoil, but in the end we had a wonderful time. Yeah, you didn’t know that also. But somehow you expected him to ring you from our honeymoon, and that is after you recently embarrassed him in front of almost two hundred people. Are in insane? Do you have any common sense? If so, where is it? He was avoiding you, your behavior and those of the others under your thumb was beyond embarrassing. He was so ashamed that he had to get over the initial shock of your disgusting behavior before he could have come near you. Never in his wildest dreams did he believe that you were capable of such awful and uncouth behavior.

So here is my final word to you, as we celebrate our first anniversary of marriage, we do so with thanks to the Almighty God for keeping us, protecting us, building a hedge around us and securing us from evil people like you and your gang. You are all like the devil incarnates! We do not need you, I stress again we do not need you! Your son may have needed his mother from time to time, but given your perchance to be hateful and harmful to his wife and marriage, he keeps you out of our lives. So stop! Quit playing the manipulation games, cease the conniving and deceptive behaviors, and refrain from using other people to try to get your way. God is stronger than man, and he has said in his word that what he has put together no man shall put asunder. That goes for you! As a so-called good Christian and regular church goer, I am certain that you have heard/read the scripture which says: "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." This is what my husband, your son, is trying to do, back off and let him perform his duties as a husband. Acknowledge all this and share it with your wicked daughters, step daughter in law and niece, let them know who ordained our marriage and tell them to also back off! I hope you have the power to restrain these rabid creatures now that you have set them loose. Good luck! I recently saw one turn on you, that was just the beginning. She will have you for dinner in the near future, nothing goes unpaid in this world and you shall pay for your wicked deeds.

For this new year of marriage, I have zero tolerance for none of your antics. Approach me with crap and I promise to let each of your know what time of day it is! I have had enough of your stinking attitudes! You are not welcome in my home. No, you are not! I know that my husband has extended an invite to you, he did so twofold, one to show you that regardless of how unsupportive, mean and hateful you are he will still fulfill his duty as son and grant you an undeserved yes, but still a privilege to visit his marital home. Secondly, he wants to flaunt in your face that after you and your youngest daughter discouraged him and used him as your bank for decades, that he still has what it takes to build a modern and lovely home to house his wife and family, and you all can stay in the one he built previously and let it rot. Yeah, you didn’t know he is capable of thinking and acting that way too. I guess this is my entire fault again.

So bug off, all of you! You can ignore me when you see me, you can pass me as stranger on the street, and you can continue actively campaigning against our marriage and defaming me. But two things are imperative here; firstly do not come or visit my house, this is my nest, my safe haven and I do not want you here, I know that you are already aware so just reinforcing. Secondly when our child is born you get to see him or her on our and quite honestly, my terms and conditions. That I know you will despise, but you have two choices, you either accept my rules or you don’t see that grandchild. Note carefully also that grandchild will be 'my child' and as his/her mother; I will do all that I need to protect my child from harmful persons and environments. You and your gang bangers are a perfect combination of both!

In essence continue being your usual nasty self, it makes no difference to me because I do not see any positive change from you anytime in the future. I have forgiven you and yours so many times over and yet more hateful behaviors are constantly added; I have no time for you, I am shunning and excluding you! Keep on being the hateful, wicked, jealous, cynical, bitter, lonely, unmannerly, toxic creature that you are and continue to enlist the assistance of conspirers to carry out your wishes and keep on sowing seeds of discord. Sooner or later the chickens will come home to roost, and I will be standing by looking on with a twinkle in my eye as the vengeance my God has said is his, shall be realized, I will be further vindicated.

Just letting you know before I close, that your son and I really love each other and the things you and yours have said and done makes us realize how much we do mean to each other. So while your actions would have created discord on occasions, guess what, when we move past these situations - we grow closer as a couple and the root of our love is implanted deeper.

Signing off;
Your daughter in law,
The future mother of your grandchild/ren,
Your first son’s wife and the love of his life!

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