Dear Dad,
You left this world before I was born, my mom was only a couple of months pregnant with me. You ran into a ditch on Bayou Rapides Rd. I didn't know you besides your voice, but I wasn't prepared for what I lost.
When I was little, my mom got married to my stepfather. I didn't know the difference at that age, but as I got older I began to notice things that were different about me from the rest of my family, especially my last name. I began to question my mother, and asked if she could change my last name to hers, I didn't want to be different. She answered, "no. I gave you that name because it is special to me." I was hurt. I didn't understand why I had to be different. It broke my heart.
When I was a little older, she began to show me pictures of you and I realized how much I looked like you. She says my silly faces remind her of yours. She still misses you sometimes and I miss you too. It's hard to imagine how I can love and miss someone so much, that I never met before. It's hard to conceive the fact that I will never hug you in this life, or hear your voice. Feel your comfort when I'm upset, or for you to threaten my boyfriend for making me cry.
It's easy for my fellow Christians to say that the only father I need is in heaven, when they don't feel the loss that I always have. The hole in my heart, that I wish could be whole. God takes care of many of my anxious tendencies, my sadness. But sometimes, I just wish you were here. I had to find my faith, there's no way that I could handle this life thinking that I'd never get to see you.
I am very thankful to have a stepdad who I am closer to now, but it's not always the same. No one will ever take your place. You should know that. I hope you hear me when I talk to God, and ask him to bend your ear. Every day, something happens that I wish I could tell you. I still cry sometimes, even on days that aren't your birthday or the anniversary of your death. I wish I could've known you besides the stories I hear. I wish I could just see your face in person or spend a little time with you. Know that my heart is always with you and I always wish you were here with me. I wish you could be here to support my dreams and cheer me on. See me graduate college and achieve my goals, I hope you're proud of me. I don't know why this had to happen, but I have to trust that it was for a reason and it will affect me for the rest of my life.
I love you, dad.
With a heavy heart -Your Daughter.
