Let me guess, he hasn’t called you in two days, he ditched you for the umpteenth time to hang out with “buddies”, he told you that you looked horrible in your new dress (which, by the way, looking back at is beautiful and you have yet to find another dress that hugs your bodacious curves like that one did), and he left you stranded on the side of the road, in the middle of the night, on an unnerving street corner thirty blocks from home. What else is new?
You might not believe me when I tell you this, but, he’s not the best you can do. In fact, he’s close to the worst. You just don’t know it yet. You know how I know he’s close to the most reprehensible male you’ve ever met? It’s because gentlemen exist, and one fell madly in love with you. It’s true.
Somewhere along the way and during your “relationship” with your current “love”, you will lose your self-esteem and feel more and more drained as the days progress. You will go out with your friends, yet every moment will be spent drowning in anxiety, questioning his whereabouts, and then ordering another drink in hopes that it will help either pass the time or mask the pain. There is no comfort. There is no solace. There is no peace. There is only three years of uncertainty and fearfulness.
Amongst the bitterness you will feel as a result of the aftermath of the heartbreak he thrust upon you, you will make mistakes and you will have regrets. You will spend more time away from home and submerge yourself in your school work; so far that you lose your sense of self and who you are. You lose contact with friends and family. You don’t take pride in your job, your friendships, or yourself. You wake up, day after day, still believing you’re nothing special, constantly using someone else, someone better than you, as a benchmark for own your self worth. Your daily routine doesn’t waiver from the usual and the more routine it is, the deeper you fall into that dark, terrifying depression.
It takes time, effort, and a hell of a lot of work to get you to a brighter light. Years, almost. You will realize that you were a product of his selfishness, his arrogance, and his ability to make you believe that you were worthless.
Then, out the blue, something new and incredible happens. He happens. He happens to be out one night, the only night that your friends beg you to join them for one measly little drink. A drink you’ll never regret. You see him from across the room, and as cliche as it sounds, you make eye contact and just minutes later, you spend all evening dancing in a dimly lit dive bar that smells of stale beer and somewhat obscene body odor. You won’t even notice what the humidity has done to your hair or the fact that the air reeks of sweat. All you notice is his smile, his questionable, yet oddly adorable, dance moves, and the fact that time is passing much too quickly.
Days pass, yet you’re still feeling fantastic. It’s refreshing. He called you to hang out again. He even picks you up at home and comes to the door to get you (he doesn’t sit idly on the driveway and honk to alert you of his arrival). He proudly introduces you to his friends. He invited you to Thanksgiving dinner with his parents. He plans future weekends with you. He notices your new haircut and mentions the way it compliments your face shape. He sends you a bouquet of flowers just because. He cooks you dinner as you feverishly study for finals at his dining table. He asks you to move in with him. He asks your father for permission. He asks you to be his wife.
Your life has changed. Your once dark and dispirited world is in screaming color. You met a man who wears his heart on his sleeve. You met a man who calls you beautiful every day. You met a man who loves his family fiercely. You met a man who is motivated, caring, passionate, hard-working, extremely handsome, kind, and considerate. You met a man who you deserve.
All of the mistakes that you make won’t be regrets, they will be learning curves. All of the times that you feel worthless, they will be forgotten. All of the times that you feel ugly, you won’t even remember. You know those thighs that you were told were too big? He loves them. You know your laugh that you were told was obnoxious? He finds it endearing. You know your jokes that you were told weren’t funny? He laughs uncontrollably at them.
You hit the jackpot. You truly did. All of the years of self-doubt, self-hate, and self-loathing will be worth something. Something larger than you ever imagined. Something worth more than money could ever buy. Something so profound that you can’t even articulate how good you he makes you feel. Your hardships will only help you appreciate your incredible present and, assumingly so, amazing future. Hang in there, for he is worth it all.
