My Dearest Baby Girl,
I never planned on becoming a full time step mom. I had this image that I would finish school and run away with prince charming and live in a beautiful home and have nice things. (You know grow up the way we are taught to grow up.) Fortunately, for me your father came along and smacked my daydreaming self-back to the real world. We have had many ups, downs, laughs, and cries throughout your little years, but that’s what love is all about. The best advice I can give you for the future is that when you truly love someone and they treat you right; you never let that person go. You fight, sometimes a long battle, but you do it until the win. Everything takes time, but what’s meant to be will always be. As for now, your father and I still have a long road to walk. Yes it will have curves, get bumpy, and possibly make some wrong turns, but we are going to walk it together. That’s what true love is about. Which leads me to you.
I remember the first day I met you. It was Easter Sunday April 16, 2006. You were only 14 months old. Your daddy’s family tried telling me before you came not to get upset when you didn’t come to me because you were a mommy’s girl. Little did they know they would be wrong? Your daddy hadn’t even made it up the stairs and you flew out of his arms into mines as if you knew I was saving you. Your mom had you dressed in a colorful Easter dress and you had 2 gold bracelets on each arm. It was love at first sight for me. You were beautiful. You were tiny and looked like a baby monkey because you had such long arms and legs.
It’s hard to believe you are now 11. When I look at you, sometimes I can still see your baby face and hear that sweet baby voice. I see you in the room playing dress up and playing with your Barbie’s and dolls. It seems just like yesterday that you were 2. I just don’t know where the time is going. It’s hard for me as a parent to accept that you are growing up. I hate that I can no longer do the little things for you like fixing your hair in the mornings. Or holding you, taking you on walks, kissing your booboos, scaring the monsters away, singing to you while rocking you to sleep. I miss those days. I wish we could go back sometimes, but I know we can’t. I have to face the fact that you are becoming a young women, and truthfully that scares the hell out of me.
I know that the last 2 years have been hard, becoming a big sister and Daddy being gone working out of town has been stressful for you. I’m sorry that at times you feel like I don’t give you enough attention. Your brother is a baby and has to have attention all the time. If not we both know what happens, he winds up getting into the toilet, or pulling the trash out of the can, or drinking daddy’s shampoo…etc. I can honestly tell you I DO NOT remember you being as wild as him.
Your body is changing, and you are starting to have weird emotions. One minute your happy the next angry. One minute you’re laughing the next crying. You just have to accept that you are getting older and this is what happens. As do I have to accept that I get to be your punching bag for the next few years. Trust me becoming a young women isn’t easy. Please try to remember that I was a young girl once. I hope you know when you feel a certain way or have questions to come to me. Don’t be embarrassed. I know sometimes I might be too hard on you, but I have to be. Who else is? Everyone spoils you! I’m your parent not your friend, and one day you will understand that. I want what is best for you. I want you to grow up happy, respectful, and independent. Most of all I want you to love yourself.
I know that I did not carry you inside my belly, and that makes me sad and jealous. I wish I did. I hate not being able to tell you things that you did as a baby. As much as I am glad your mom and dad are not together anymore because they were toxic for each other. I am happy they once were because if not for them I would have never had you in my life. I see the way you look at me and your bother sometimes. I get it. Never ever feel that I don’t love or care for you the same. You are always going to be my first child no matter what anyone tells you. I can’t change the past and what has happened. Just know everything we have done up until now has been to keep you safe and give you a wonderful life. You have done more in your 11 years of life then your father and I have ever done, and we will be turning 30 this year. Please know that I think you are amazing, funny, sweet, kind, athletic, nerdy, talented, sensitive, dramatic, and caring. I love everything about you. I love watching you dance. God blessed you with a talent. Take that talent and do something great with it. Don’t be shy or scared to use it. You are beautiful, and a great dancer. You amaze me every time you get on stage. Nothing makes me happier than watching you dance your heart out.
You are the best thing that has happened to me; but not just to me, my family as well. You have brought us all so much joy. Our love will always be different because you and I share a bond that no one will ever understand, or can take away from us. Please remember that I love you. I cannot say it enough. You have changed me for the better. You have shown me what unconditional love truly is. Remember at the end of the day you are and will always be my first baby girl. I saw this saying on the internet the other day and it made me think of us. It said, “I didn’t give you the gift of life. Life gave me the gift of you.” Always remember that!!
Happy Birthday Beautiful. I love you always and forever.
