Hi, Dad. For the sake of my safety and sanity, I am remaining anonymous in this letter... you are a Lutheran-Church Missouri-Synod pastor. You know your theology like the back of your hand. And so, as any other confessional, conservative Christian would, you believe homosexuality is a sin.
You raised me this way. You raised me to believe that the lives of so many happy people are wrong and sinful. Every time something on the news arises about a gay couple, or your brother, my uncle, talks about how proud he is to be gay, you shake your head and frown. You put these people down.
You say things that you interpret as being a "loving Christian," when, in reality, you are talking as the exact opposite. However, I cannot say you hate. I know for a fact you don't hate gay people. You don't hate anyone because you are a Christian pastor who claims to love everyone as Jesus loves us. But what I can say as truth is that, while you definitely don't hate, you definitely don't like or love the LGBT community. I know that. When you complain about gay people calling Christians bigots or hateful people, you sometimes like to justify yourself by saying "I don't hate gay people, but..." There's always a "but." And you never say you love or even like them. It's always "I don't hate." You usually like to follow this up with something along the lines of "they are sinful people who are going to hell" or "they are causing our world to go to hell in a hand basket" or "they will die in the eternal fires of hell." This is not the attitude of someone who cares and is loving towards the LGBT community. This is the attitude of someone who hates them.
I know you don't, but you carry yourself off as if you do. I have to tell you something, Dad. Something I've been wanting to say for a very long time. I am gay. Your own daughter is lesbian - the very thing you would never wish upon your greatest enemy as it would "cause them eternal death." I know you would want me to say sorry, but I'm not. Because I know for a fact in my deepest heart and mind that who I love is not sinful or wrong. Being gay is not wrong. And so you would fight against me with the six verses mentioning anything related to homosexuality in the Bible. And so I would respond with a video. Matthew Vines, actually. A Christian who, with his video "God and the Gay Christian" changed my belief many years ago about homosexuality. And so I ask you - if you watch this video - how could you argue back then?
How could you go against the pure Biblical facts presented in this speech and still say that who I am is a sin? How could you call who I am wrong? How could say that you "would rather be arrested than perform a same-sex wedding" now? Yet, somehow, I know that you still would. I know you would never give up your concrete beliefs for your own daughter. And for this I am sad an disappointed. And I know that I will never be able to come out to you and tell you this significant part of my life until I am fully independent of you. I will never be able to bring home any girlfriends. I will never be able to go to prom with a girl. I will never be able to have my dad perform my wedding. You won't even go to my wedding because you would be so ashamed. I can get married in all 50 states now. Who I love is completely, 110% legal. And I couldn't even share my victory with you. I had to pretend as if I was sad that this happened, when, on the inside, I am smiling from ear to ear. This is the life I have to live because you won't at least open up your mind. But I have to tell you something else, too - I can live my life just as happily! Because someday I will have an amazing girl in my life who loves and supports me, including the part of me that you never will - because she is the same. I have hope for my future because most of America has opened up their minds. They support me. They love who I am. All 50 states will recognize my future marriage as a marriage, just like any straight couple's. And so when my future wife and I are tying the knot someday and you are not there, I will be okay with that. I will be okay with the fact that my own father will never like or love everything about who I am. Because I have all the support I need. From my friends, some family, and America. I have so much more on my side than you ever will. You will be called a bigot, a hateful person. And I have a wonderful, amazing life ahead of me with the support of millions of other people. Don't get me wrong, Dad. I love you. I mean, you're my dad. I love you to the moon and back. But just because I love you doesn't mean I love what you stand for.
And as I write this open letter, I encourage all the other gay people in the world who are enduring bullying, persecution, and hopelessness to have hope. I promise you, it will get better. Be strong and courageous. You have a nation who loves you.
- A
