Dear new girlfriend ,
Let's chat.
I know you hate having to hear from me, that alone is the majority of the problem at hand. So with that being said there's some things you need to understand.
I know this is the first time you've been in a relationship with a man who has a child, in reality you're practically still a child yourself yet here you are. And I'm okay with that.
Him and I had our time in the sun and we have a beautiful gift to show from it. This gift however keeps us bonded for life. The man you're in love with is a decent man and great father and will always be a part of her life, I'm confident in that, so him and I will always have a "relationship " through her. Now keep reading.
I'm in no way jealous of you. I'm glad he's moved on, I'm glad he's happy, I'm glad that after ending such a long relationship he was able to still believe in love. More importantly I know my daughter will never love me less because of your presence in her life. You make him happy and you treat our child well, but you don't like me.
You don't like me when I text him at 9pm to ask if she had that rash when she was with you guys earlier or if just started. You don't like me when I come pick her up and him and I talk about her day and all the new things she's learning. You don't like that I'm comfortable talking to him and that I'll ask him how he is, ask him about work, his family, things he has no problem discussing with me, things that are in no way personal yet still upset you. You think I do this out of a sadness, as a way to reconnect, to make him miss me or something of the sort. Well new girlfriend, this is not the case.
I don't hate him, I won't even pretend that I do. As I said he's a good guy, just not the right guy for me. Our history naturally allows me to feel ...not awkward...for a lack of better words, talking to him. But NEVER do I reach out to him just to shoot the breeze. That's disrespectful.
You say you don't understand why we communicate as much as we do. Well let me help you understand...
Despite our differences, we always agreed on how we wanted to raise our child. The type of person we wanted her to be, the values we thought were most important for her to carry close to her heart. The day we separated we agreed that she would not grow up with parents who couldn't get along. If she has to have parents who aren't in love with one another, we want her to have parents who are friends with one another. Not the type of friend you go hang out at the mall with or share your deepest truths with, but the type of friend you can communicate with and show support for and just be a good person to and with. We want her to understand that for her we can be the strongest force, for her him and I are an "us" in love or not.
And I have news for you. When you're not there, he talks to me too. You think I initiate it all, you think I just want to reconnect. Well new girlfriend,he talks to me too. If you're not home when I pick her up, he'll talk to me with no reservations. If I send him a cute story about her day, he answers and we have a whole conversation about HER. If he doesn't answer I know you're home, and I respect that. But I'm still going to include him in the cute details of her life. He deserves to be apart of them, don't you think?
So please understand this. I'm not hoping to make him miss me. I'm not lonely. I'm not trying to sabotage your relationship. I tell him all the time that I'm OK with you being a part of all this. That I'm glad you two are happy. That I'm glad you're so accepting and good to our daughter. But he and I do need to have a line of communication. I'm not sorry for any of this, and I'm willing to bet that if you asked him about it, he wouldn't be either.
