An Open Letter to my Biological Family

Subject: An Open Letter to my Biological Family
From: Your Biological Daughter
Date: 26 Jun 2017

To my Birth Parents:

Hi. I have no idea how to address you properly. You are just strangers to me after all, just some people I've only ever heard about in stories. This letter started out in resentment, anger, frustration, but then I took a look at my life and I realized I can't be angry at you because you gave me away, and for that I thank you. This letter is for you, my family, and for me as well. I'm writing this letter now out of thanks and maybe hoping one day you will understand why I never want to meet you. I hope you understand.

Almost 20 years ago you changed my entire life. You gave me away, and I'm hoping, on that day that you knew you were giving me away to the most caring and strong people. That day not only changed my life but many others. I got the future I knew I would never have gotten if I wasn't adopted. I had a chance at a better life and was taught from day one that I can achieve whatever I thought possible.

I got blessed with amazing parents, and an amazing brother and sister. I can't imagine my life without them. They have shown me endless love and have always told me where I came from so I've always known, which makes this letter a bit easier to write. You may never even see this letter, which is okay with me.

I have never thought of myself as anything less, I am my Mom and Dads child, a big sister to my Brother and Sister. My Mom is kind, always told us to work hard, and I think one of the strongest women I know, which has taught me to be strong and to keep going when life gets tough. My Dad is the most hard-working man I know, he also is a coach, not just in sports but with life lessons. I don't think a day goes by where he isn't thinking about the family. He has taught me that you need to be thankful, for everything. I may not share the same DNA as them, but I have saved the names "Mom" and "Dad" only for them. They are my family, they are my parents, my guardian angels.

My Brother and Sister, I don't know where to start with them. My little Brother is not so little anymore, he's taller than me, and an outstanding lacrosse player. I couldn't be more proud than I am. At times I think I set the example because after all, I am the eldest, but when I look at him, he has taught me that you can achieve your dreams and that anything is possible, you just need to be strong headed and go for it. He was my best friend growing up and I thank him for that, for being there. My baby sister, she's a lot younger than I am, when I graduate college she'll still be in elementary school but I am thankful for that. I get to help her grow, I get to tell her stories about the way that I have grown up, I get to see her thrive. Even though I live a couple hours away, I know she knows that I love her endlessly. When she was born, I think that's when I fell in love for the first time. The way she looked, even smelled, she was my baby. She is the most beautiful, and graceful dancer I've ever seen, she also is the funniest and smartest little kid. She has taught me the same as my brother, be you, do what you love.

I grew up on a reserve outside of a small town where I created memories from playing in the yard with my friends to learning to drive, to school dances. I was never alone there, I was surrounded by family, and by friends. The small community had your back and for that I am thankful. I got the opportunity to be involved in a community where I was, a student, a friend, and a daughter, and my own person.

I graduated from a high school in that small town, moving to the big city where I now go to college to pursue a dream I recently discovered. Although I do not have my whole life figured out, hell, I don't even have myself figured out yet, but I can tell you that I am headed in the right direction. You have no need to worry about me, I am happy, growing, learning, and now thriving. You gave me life and for that I am thankful, but I am thankful to the parents who raised me, taught me right from wrong, showed me the paths of life and supported me through all my crazy adventures.

I know that I have been luckier than most. I know that I always have somewhere to go, that I have a family that will give me a roof over my head, will provide food, will always be there if I just need to talk. Many don't have that when they get adopted, I mean you never really know the people you're about to give your child away to, but thank you for giving me away to them, to my Mom and Dad, they are beautiful.

Please know that there's not a year or a month that goes by where I don't think about you, it's been hard, it's been confusing, and at times it breaks my heart. Growing up I was sometimes told"I see where you get your beauty from" as they refer to my Mom, and "wow, you're lucky you have the same skin tone as your Dad", I've always told them that I am adopted, then along come the "Oh, I'm sorry", well they don't have to be sorry. I've wondered if I look like you, sound like you, have the same weird flaw, which one of you did I pick up my love of art from, which one of you share the same crooked tooth that I have, do you love the same foods as I do? I'll never know these answers because I'll never ask them to you.

I've wondered and wondered, the curiosity takes over my mind sometimes, but I will never act upon it, I will never go searching for you. Likewise, you have never gone searching for me. What I want you to know is that I would like to keep it that way. The day that you chose to give me away, out of your other children that you kept, was the last and only time that you will ever see me. We live in different provinces, really far apart. Even if we were near to each other, I would never go see you or probably never even recognize you. I am now 20 years old, things have changed, I look different, probably act differently than when I was was a small child (hopefully). I have thought about meeting you, I have thought about reaching out, wanting to know more about you, but in the end I realize it's the only outcome is to benefit me, I want answers and then I want you to disappear again, so then I reach the final conclusion that I can't and don't and want to see you, ever. This isn’t meant to be offensive, it is simply accepting that it is what is best for everyone. I've lived a life without you and that's all I know. The truth is, we're no longer relevant in each other's lives. I have grown up, you have grown older. We have different lives, and that's okay, it's for the best. I can't even imagine seeing you and then wanting to reconnect with you, my parents, my Mom, and Dad is the ones that have seen me become who I am now. They now hold my hands in the spot that were once yours for a very very short time.

I will always be thankful, for the life and the opportunities that you let my Mom and Dad give me. I want you to know that I do not hate you, I do not wish the worst upon you, but I do not love you, and I hope that's okay. Even though for the longest time I shared the last name as you, I will always be a child of the parents who raised me.

This letter is not only for you though, this is a letter to the many others out there that have been adopted. You do not have to feel guilty, ashamed, or bad for not wanting to meet your biological parents. It's okay, you're not alone. For those of you who do want to meet their biological parents, I hope the very best outcome for you and I want you to know that if you make amends or decide to have them in your life again, to not forget about your parents, the ones that took you in, loved you, and made you their daughter/son.


Your Biological Daughter.