An open letter to my best friend I pushed away.

Subject: An open letter to my best friend I pushed away.
Date: 29 Jul 2018

The day we met we instantly became friends, that was about 10 years ago, we were in the 8th grade. In the 10 years I've spent with you as my bestfriend we've had ups and downs but we never let that get in the way of our friendship, I think the longest we ever went without talking was less then a month because we couldn't not be around each other. You are one of the most important people in my life and not because youve been my best friend for 10 years, but because you've never left my side when things got hard or when other girls didn't like me. You've always had my back but knew how to tell me when I was wrong. Through the years you've known about my struggles with addiction and you never made me feel like I was less of a person because of it. You've held me countless times while I cried even if it was about something stupid. You have put up with my crazy ass for 10 years and never left my side. Most people say that you almost never stay friends with people from school but I've always known that we would forever remain friends because of the things we have gone through together. We will be 23 this year and I know we both have lives so we sometimes go a couple weeks without seeing each other, but when we do it's like nothing has changed. But this time is different, and it scares me. I pushed you away due to the things I was doing because I knew you hated seeing me like that. I pushed you away because I didn't want you to think of me as someone who is weak and worthless. And most of all I didn't want you to see me like that. I know I should have came to you earlier and explained but my depression and anxiety made me believe that it was best to just push you away so that I wouldn't have to deal with losing my best friend. There have been countless nights I wanted to call you because I was having a bad night and you always knew how to cheer me up. There is no one that could ever take your spot as my best friend and not even because we have been friends for so long, but because our friendship is genuine and no matter how many times we've argued its never came close to keeping us apart. You are my person, you've been there for me through everything and never judged me. My family loves you, my mom literally thinks of you as a daughter. I'm scared that I let my problems cause me to push you away to the point that you don't know if our friendship is the same anymore. Picturing my life without you in it, is impossible.