I often think about what life would be like if you were still here with me and your daddy. I see everyone out with their babies, and I picture us doing those things with you. When you should have been a whole month older, I picture putting those little stickers on your chest and taking a picture to post on Facebook and complain about how fast you're growing up. I want to write your new milestones on a board and share with the world how smart my baby girl is.. But most importantly, I want to share every waking moment with you. The good, and the bad. I want you to keep me up all night screaming your head off for no reason at all. I want to change those yucky diapers and listen to you throw a tantrum in the middle of the restaurant while your daddy and I take turns eating and holding you. I'd trade my Victoria's Secret perfume for the smell of sour milk and throw up any day. I'd trade my coach purse for those super nerdy diaper bags daddy and I were so excited to model for everyone to see. I tell myself every single day that I'd do anything to have you back, but that would be selfish. I know you were in pain my sweet angel. I know how hard you fought to stay, but you were sacrificing your own comfort because you didn't want to disappoint us. I'm not sure what the hardest part has been for us. Not having you here is a constant knife in the chest, but having you here and in pain, was the worst thing to see. I hope while you were here, you felt the overwhelming love we all have for you. I don't regret our decision to meet you baby. You are still the best thing that has ever happened to me. Your smile lit up my world, and it still does. I know you had to leave us, you were in so much pain, and that really killed us to see. You were our fighter though. We couldn't be more proud of you. You were the strongest person I know baby, at only 3 pounds. I hope you aren't in pain anymore, and I hope you met your granny. I know she will take care of you like she did your Aunt Emily and I. Check under her pillow at night, that's where she keeps all the goodies! I know you found your place up there, in the arms of God and the rest of your family, but there is a couple things I want you to know. If I could have traded places with you, you'd be here with daddy. I would have lived my life in constant pain, if it meant you didn't have to feel it for a second. Lastly, I want you to know you were wanted, you were needed, and you were loved. More than anything in this entire world. I will never let your memory disappear. I will always celebrate your life, and your strong will. I will never stop talking to you at night, or sharing your pictures with your family. You are heavens most beautiful angel, and I will never forget you my precious baby. Rest easy honey. Mommy and daddy love you more than anything. You will always be our sunshine.
