Open Letter to the Men Who Hurt Me

There are 2 of you. Two men, who are more of cowards. One of you raped and molested me while the other just molested me. And yet I am equally pained by the memories of you both.
Man number one, you dated my mother. I was six years old. How could you do that to a child when you had a grown woman you slept with every night. How can a child satisfy you and a woman could not. I want you to know that I can not ever forgive you for what you have done. You ruined my out look on life at such a young age. I can't trust men still to this day, and its been 14 years now. You raped me, and you molested me time and time again. You made me touch your penis. I was only six years old. You were a grown man. You didn't care when I cried, you didn't care that I was in pain. Now to this day I have not had meaningful sex with someone that I actually care about. I have sex with people, but none of them mean anything. I have been called a whore, and a slut; and never cared at all. I know now that I was affected more than I had imagined by what you had done. I wish I could tell all this to you, and maybe one day I will. What hurts the most though is knowing that you now have children that are about that same age. I hope that you don't do to them what you did to me. I pray that your little babies never have to go through that hurt and pain as I had to. I regret that I didn't tell anyone sooner what you did, and I am angered that when I did finally speak up it just got brushed away like I never said anything. Finally, I want you to know that I think I am finally ready to move past this. I think I am ready to try a real relationship with a man that I have true feelings for. He knows all of my flaws, he knows what you did to me and he likes me just the way that I am.
To the second man. I was ten years old now. I was scared. I had just moved across the country, to live with people that I barely knew. My whole life had changed and you were supposed to be my family. You were my uncle. I've told people about the first man who hurt me, but I felt like what happened with you had somehow been my fault. I was older this time, I knew more things. I was ashamed, so I have never spoke about what you did to me. Not a single person knows that you have been molesting me for about 9 years now. To this day you still try to, I am 20 now, and you are married. Your wife should be enough for you. I am afraid to be alone with you, even just alone in a room. I never know what you are going to try to do. I never know when you are going to try to touch me. Or if you're going to try to kiss me again. The time you tried to kiss me it was awful. You grabbed my head and tried to pull me towards you, and then you thought a simple "sorry" was going to make things bettter. Now to this day I shy away from kisses. I have all these years of terrible memories, these memories that really affect how my love life goes to this day. I can't be alone with a guy without wondering what his intentions are. I can't trust anyone, and as soon as I start to get too close to someone I push them away. You may have only molested me, but I believe you may have hurt me more than the first man. I now have came to the realization that what happened was not my fault. It is all your fault. I was just a child, but I also know that I should have spoke up, I should have told someone what you had done to me. I also know that it is not too late to speak up, but I am afraid. I'm afraid that people will look at me differently. Treat me differently. I'm ready though, it may not be a big leap, but I have one person I will tell what you did to me. One person that doesn't judge me on anything, I think he may be the guy that I want to spend forever with. And he is going to know all about you. Eventually he is going to meet you, and immediately he is going to hate you just because he will know.
Both of you men have shaped me to be this woman. This woman that has trust issues. That is afraid to love, and to be loved. I want you both to see that I can have a real life now though. I'm not going to be afraid anymore. I'm going to let this new guy into my life now, and I'm going to trust him. I'm going to share everything with him. I'm going to kiss him, and be alone with him and I'm not going to be afraid. I'm not going to spend time wondering if he has other intentions. I'm not going to let you both control my life and my feelings anymore.
So, goodbye to you; goodbye to living life afraid to love.
Sincerely, The One who's not Afraid.