It is so easy to think you are ready. It is even easier to SAY you are ready. What is not easy is actually being ready.
This could be for many things, but for this letter I am referring to long term commitments, marriage, and parenthood. Things that so many people swear they are ready for, and it is not until the facts hit them in the face and it dawns on them that they may not actually be as "ready" as they thought.
Let me start by saying that commitments and responsibilities are far from easy. These things take constant effort, compromise, and sacrifice. Sometimes it is so easy to want to throw in the towel and give up. Well, if it is easy for you to do that...that is sign #1 that you are not ready for what is coming. Please do not assume that I am insinuating that someone is a bad person, simply because they are not ready. That is far from true. Not being ready for something does not mean that you are a horrible person, nor does it mean that you are not good enough. It simply means that you have much to learn.
For ANY long term commitment to be successful, one HAS to have the right mindset. Priorities, priorities, priorities!
You must not have a selfish mindset. You just cant. If you do, your are not ready, and you will not ever be ready until you change your mindset.
Being ready means you can put someone else's wants and needs on the same level, if not above yours. Being ready is spending the extra money you have on another persons NEEDS, rather than your own selfish WANTS. Being ready is choosing to be home spending time with your wife and children, rather than out partying and drinking with your friends and co-workers. If your significant other, and your children (or soon to be children) are viewed as an OPTION, rather than a PRIORITY...then you are not ready.
Here is example #1
Someone who is NOT ready may have this situation and mindset; It is Saturday evening, my significant other is sick and home alone with the children...but my best friend wants me to go out drinking at the bar with him. Also, my brother wants me to come over and play video games with him. Hmm..of all of those options, which one do I want to do?
Someone who IS ready would have this mindset in the same situation; well, people have given me other options on what I could do this evening, but my priority is my family. So, that is where I am going to be. That is where my loyalty lies.
Here is example #2
Someone who is NOT ready may have this situation and mindset; I just won $200 on a scratch off! Awesome! What have I been wanting lately? Maybe I will buy something for my truck..maybe I will buy some alcohol and have a party..maybe I will have a night out on the town..maybe I will buy some new games and take them home to play them....decisions, decisions!
Someone who IS ready would have this mindset in the same situation; well, I do remember my wife saying that the kids needed some new shoes..I should probably get them that. Maybe even get them a toy or something and surprise them. I could also surprise my wife with some fresh flowers, and a bottle of wine. She would love that! I should still have a little left over, so I will use what is left and getting me something, too! Everybody wins.
Those are just two examples, but I hope the slight difference between them has been made very clear. I hope whoever is reading this understands the difference. If you don't understand the difference, or do not agree with it....well you are probably one of the people who is not ready.
Someone who is ready has no problem, and in fact WANTS to make time for their significant other and children. They WANT to be there, and be there for them often. They WANT to tell the world how much they care about and love them. They WANT to provide for them. They WANT to put them before themselves. They WANT people to know that they are doing right by their family, and making the necessary sacrifices. They WANT to do what it takes to make them happy.
Someone who is NOT ready, has the opposite mindset. They feel like they HAVE to do these things, and feel this way. They feel like they are obligated to do these things. They feel like they are being controlled, and that they have no choices in their own life, it is all about what they HAVE to do, and what they are EXPECTED to do, rather than what they WANT to do.
If someone tells you that your are whipped for taking your wife and family into consideration when making a decision...and you believe them...you are NOT ready. If you were ready, then you would know that they have a childish mindset, and that you are doing the RIGHT thing, the MATURE thing.
Being ready is compromising.
Being ready is making sacrifices.
Being ready is admitting when you are wrong.
Being ready is working together to come up with solutions.
Being ready is prioritizing.
Being ready is being confident in your decisions.
Being ready is apologizing, and NOT repeating the same mistake.
Being ready is communicating...about everything!
Being ready is putting needs before wants.
NOT being ready is only agreeing if you get what you want.
NOT being ready is never making sacrifices for your family.
NOT being ready is always having to be right.
NOT being ready is when your solution is the ONLY one.
NOT being ready is when you are your #1 priority, and sometimes ONLY priority.
NOT being ready is being ashamed of your decisions.
NOT being ready saying sorry, and continuing to make the same mistakes.
NOT being ready is not caring enough to communicate about everything.
NOT being ready is putting wants before needs.
Most likely, whoever is reading this...it dawned on you at some point that this sounds very familiar. Either you matched up to the things that show you are ready, or you matched up to the things that show you are not ready. OR, while reading this...someone else came to mind that matched up.
Being ready is not a science. There is not a formula for it. Once again, it is never easy. It is all about your mindset. If your mindset is wrong, and you know it is wrong...then change it. Nothing and no one can change it for you. No one can make you realize what is right and wrong, and what your priorities should be.
The most unfortunate thing ever is when people who are NOT ready, and who do not have the right mindset..do not fix it. Then, they lose everything that they supposedly love. Some are lucky, and end up realizing it before it is too late. I hope you are. I hope whoever is reading this is ready. And if you are not ready, I hope you change your mindset before everything you love disappears forever.
