An open letter to the friend I lost after having a baby at 20

Subject: An open letter to the friend I lost after having a baby at 20
From: Jen
Date: 24 Feb 2020

It’s me. Do you remember me? The girl who you once did everything with. The girl who you once told would be the bridesmaid in your wedding. The girl who drove hours with you in a car with no direction. I’m still here. Do you miss me? Do I cross your mind anymore?

I feel a bit lost without seeing you or hearing from you anymore. What happened? Was me having a baby at 20 years young the reason we don’t talk? I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I have nights that I can not go out simply because I have to put my baby to bed. I’m sorry I have to make plans in advance and can no longer go on random drives with no destination. I’m sorry I let our friendship drift apart the way it did. I’m sorry I make you feel like I have no time for you, I do. I’m sorry for not letting you know how much I truly miss you. But, I am not sorry for choosing to have my baby.

My life has now changed and I wish you could have adapted more with my life and me. I wish you knew why I can not go out every weekend anymore. I wish you knew how upset I get when I don’t even receive an invite to go out. I wish I could tell you things have been easy. But , they have not.

I have been going through the most crazy and beautiful time of my life. But, where are you? I’ve seem to lost you along the way. Did I lose myself to? Or did I find a new meaning to life? I think I did a bit of both. I lost the person I once was but I became the person I’ve always dreamed of being. A mother. The greatest gift I have ever asked for. I just wish I did not lose you along the way. What happened? Why have we not talked in months? Why don’t you stop by to visit? I think my daughter would love to call you auntie one day.

I want to let you know that I will never stop thinking about you. I will never stop cheering for you from a far. I will never stop wishing you all of the happiest times. I never never stop loving you like a sister, because at one point you were like a sister. I will never stop laughing and crying at all the times we spent together. I will never stop wishing you knew how much I miss you.

With all my love,
Your biggest fan