I’d like to share this with you in case anything happens to me. I am a domestic violence survivor, however, I feel the threat is still imminent. The case regarding the above matter is currently still pending. It is my belief this is due to my ethnicity as I am an African American woman and my abuser is a Caucasian man. This is my truth.
First off, we all know racism is alive in America. Which is partly the reason I believe the case has been dragged on for so long. Granted the pandemic did slow things down, however, it had been a year prior to the start of the pandemic when I was physically assaulted. I do not have faith in the American justice system as it pertains to justice for African Americans.
That is the reason I did not call 911 on the night I was attacked by this guy in his home. It wasn't easy to try to anyway, he had taken my phone from me but sat it down later. His front door locked from the inside with a key which he had in his possession somewhere. I had no way to leave and was terrified the police would come and arrest me (the black woman). Regardless of my excessive, visible bruises. I feared they would favor him and me being over 3.5 hours away from my home, I had no one to call or trust to help me. I have never felt so unsafe in my life. And I had already been a victim of domestic violence at the hands of my ex-husband. This information. My attacker James Aubrey Schaeffer Jr. knew prior to his attack on me. And with all my ex-husband did to me, I still felt what James did was much worse. Not only did he lie about his actions, but he blames it all on me when he tells anyone with an ear that will listen. He plays the victim. I have found that out from other exes of his that they witnessed it as well. He has a drinking problem and admitted it. Thus, he’s aware of his negative, narcissistic behavior but chooses to continue to display it.
I was contacted on an online dating site by James Schaeffer on Jan 8, 2018. After 1 or 2 messages he was eager to give me his number. I contacted him later that night and we spoke on the phone. At the time he was in NJ and I was in GA, although he claimed to live in GA as well but was out of town for work. I later found out it was a lie. He was in an open relationship with Jahmelia Andrea Fredrick who is now stalking, harassing, and cyber-bullying me. Another ex-girlfriend of his, Marie Carmelle Racine was doing those things online to myself and my daughter who was 17 when she started harassing her on social media.
The first red flag I saw was when he got online the next day to send me a message asking why I hadn’t contacted him. I knew immediately he didn’t know that I was the one he spoke with after he asked me to call him. He had been giving his number to so many women he couldn’t keep up with who was who. Reluctantly, I continued to be in contact with him because he apologized and seemed sincere. A month later he was angry at me and called me a B*tch for dating another man. After him saying he was still dating others and we had not met in person. He claimed “in my head you’re my girl”, all the while he was dating others. Red flags began to continue to reveal themselves to me. And he kept apologizing and asking me to meet him.
On St. Patty’s Day 2018 I agreed to come to his city and meet in person. That did not happen smoothly but I won’t get into it now. Eventually, he had me come to his home that night instead of meeting in public like we originally planned. Once he had me inside it wasn’t long before he was snatching at my clothes to get them off. He proceeded to give me oral sex and then try to have intercourse with me. I had to stop him by falling off the bed to get him off me. He had no condoms nor did he even ask me or mention it. That is was the BIGGEST red flag warning from the Universe. I was so uncomfortable I ended up leaving upset. After which he continued to reach out apologizing saying “it was St. Patty’s day weekend, I was drinking all day every day. I’m sorry. That’s not the man I am.”
I have such a big heart that I allowed us to continue. In June 2018, I finally said I would give him a do-over. So I traveled 3.5 hours to see him again. That was when we started to get closer (kinda). But he continued to call me names, belittle me, disrespect me for no reason, be mean, rude just because, and then apologize. It was his controlling behavior that drained me. And every time I tried to cut him off by blocking him, he would continually call me over and over and over then email me. I still have the screenshots; proof of his narcissistic, bipolar behavior. Which cannot be photoshopped.
I eventually ended it and he emailed me in October out of the blue. Listening to him tell me “you don’t know what the future holds, I care about you." I didn't see why he would be pretending he wanted what I wanted after time apart for months. So again, another foolish move; I allowed things to spark up again. Foolishly started the trek to see him weekly even twice a week on occasion. He never drove to see me. All the while I was still feeling like this was wrong of me to allow him in my life. And the whole time we were doing that dance he was in an open relationship with Jahmelia Frederick unbeknownst to me. He wouldn’t commit to building a life with me but wouldn’t let me go. My intuition told me it was because of a woman. He had been going back and forth to NJ ever since we met. And when he did I was unable to speak with him until he was back in GA or on his way. I knew it was someone else but I couldn’t prove it. So I pretended it wasn’t really happening. BIG MISTAKE! He told me multiple times he knows men are always wanting me. He said “you’re too pretty, funny, and smart for them not to be. That's what I think and what I will always think.” Another red flag displaying his insecurity and self-doubt. He thought I would find someone better and he abused me because of his thoughts he couldn’t control. I remember days when I was having a great day, super positive, high vibrational mood. And then he would call and my day was ruined. I went from happy and smiles to arguing and upset. And for no reason. I think those were days he was having issues with one of the other women and knew he could take it out on me. Even my children witnessed it on several occasions. They never wanted me to go see him. I should’ve trusted/honored their feelings. Lesson learned!
In December of 2018, he wanted me to come visit out of guilt. He pretended he wanted to make it up to me because he had been upset with me while I was out on a cruise ship to the Bahamas for my birthday. He called cursing at me and calling me names the day before my birthday while I was on vacation (texts too). There was no chill. If he wanted to express negative emotions he never held back. After which I told him I didn’t see us going into the new year in contact. For me, it was time to go our separate ways. He wanted me one last time so I agreed. When I got to his city he made me wait over an hour until he got home. Although my screenshots, text messages from that day prove we had set it up and he knew I was coming. I later found out he was on a date with someone and didn’t want to end it but did because I drove all that way.
When I got to his residence I felt the energy was off. I mentioned to him how I felt about him making me wait. And I could tell he had just been with another woman. I could feel his energy was not right. And all day that day I had a bad feeling that I couldn’t shake. I wasn’t in tune with energy as much as I am now. Now I understand the Universe was warning me not to take that drive.
During my conversation that he clearly didn’t want to have, he out of nowhere jumped on me and began hitting me. I was in shock. It all happened so fast. He snapped and couldn’t stop himself or control himself. It took a few seconds to register what was happening to me. I never thought he would hit me, although everything about him screamed he was capable of that behavior. Especially knowing he is an alcoholic. We had never had a time together where he was sober. Every time I got to him he was already tipsy and offering me drinks at his home or when we went out. And he himself told me other women had complained about him always having to drink when he’s with them. I never said it because that's an argument I knew to avoid but I did notice it.
When I started to fight back that angered him more. He kept fighting me and didn’t stop until I bit him on his right inner arm tricep. I thought about my children hearing that he had killed me and I stopped fighting. That is the only thing that stopped him. He would’ve killed me no doubt. He is ex-navy and I’m told the military trains to kill with bare hands. He had a shotgun and a rifle in the room and I feared for my life like I never have before. I thought to call 911 but he took my phone and I just fell on the floor sobbing. I couldn't stop saying "Oh my GOD." It was on repeat like a broken record. And once he put my phone down I was too in shock to move. I had gone to a bar around the corner to wait on him that hour I waited. Being black, a little tipsy, and away from home with American police as my source of help, I was lost on what to do. I couldn’t get out, he had the key to the front door and he wouldn’t allow me to leave. I tried. So I laid on his couch crying but he forced me to sleep in the bed next to him. He would NOT allow me to be on the couch to wait out the night for my freedom. He said, "c'mon, you've never slept on the couch." When he said come on twice more. I was so scared I did what he said I know I was still in shock.
It wasn’t long before he was snoring and I was laying there still crying until I fell asleep. At some point I awoke to him on top of me, my bottoms off, he was already inside of me. Raping me. At the time I was fear struck and too afraid to say stop or get off me. And he didn't have the decency to wake me/ask me. I had no chance to say no beforehand. I just knew it would lead to him hitting me again so I remained silently crying. As he had no remorse for what he’d done. This is the thing he didn’t apologize for after all of the apologies for his negative words. I could tell it wasn’t his first time hitting a woman. And possibly she allowed him to make up with sex. Which is why he thought it would be the same with me. I was utterly disgusted and could feel that he was evil without a doubt. I could no longer pretend. I was crying but it didn’t stop him. When he was finished, he made me shower with him. Something we didn’t do together. But I played nice to get out of that house and away from him.
At his front door, almost outside, he grabbed my shoulder (my heart began to pound). He turned me to him and said “can you keep this between us? Cause you’re right it’s not cool.” I said yes and I would've said whatever he wanted just to get out! I was in my car and at the police station as soon as I pulled off. Once I left the police station I went to the hospital. And when asked about him sexually assaulting me, I wasn’t sure I could call it rape because I was unable to say anything to stop him. But with help from others, I understand he did rape me. It was not consensual, it was mental coercion. I was in so much fear for my safety. I didn’t want another fight from him. The statute of limitations has run out and I am ok now. So I won't dwell on it.
Once he found out I had filed charges; he was on a mission to make me look like the aggressor. He told people I was the “angry black woman”, who had been drunk, stalking him, showed up unannounced, with nothing better to do than drive 3.5 miles just to attack him. He’s such a weak coward, he started lying to everyone that would give him attention. And that’s when Marie, Jahmelia along with others began harassing me online. They blamed me and said I deserved it based on what he was saying.
Presently Jahmelia is living with him in GA and harassing me. He was able to convince her to move from NJ to his city and state despite cheating on her with me and other women. Her attempt to pretend I am a threat to her; is in an effort to help his pending case. I believe they want to get restraining orders so they can have access to harm me and I cannot defend myself. I should not have to move once a year to feel safe. I’ve never met her or any of them. And had no knowledge of her being his “girlfriend” until recently. It is my strong belief that the Universe vindicates and karma will deal with him. I have asked the courts to dismiss the case in an effort to get them to leave me alone. I can’t keep going to court to file on every one of them. I don’t know who all they are nor do I have all of their information to even do so. I just want to live my life. I’ve worked tremendously hard to heal. This was my first and only experience with a racist man that I cared for. I’m still healing. I never imagined this but it was my biggest fear with interracial dating. This all happened in 11 months. We didn’t even make it to a full year thankfully! My biggest regret of this lifetime is this experience. However, I am grateful I’ve learned what it looks like when you date a secret racist. I will not allow it again.
To any woman dealing with a man that disrespects, calls you names, belittles you, hits you...please get out NOW! You deserve a man that won’t abuse you. One that loves and values himself. He will love and value you, without games and lies. He will know hurting you only hurts himself and he will not want either of you to experience that type of pain. And if he’s a different race and says he only dates black women...run for your life! Anyone who has an issue with their own race and won’t date them is a sign something is off. This goes for men in abusive relationships as well. We all deserve to be treated fair! If you or they can’t do that, then just leave the person alone. Instead of creating negative karma.
To the narcissistic abuser, please heal your issues. Find out what makes you feel it’s a just thing to physically harm someone. And when it’s only because you don’t like what they say. Words are just that. Words they shouldn’t have that much power to make someone lose control. And anyone who reacts to words with their hands not their mouth is someone suffering with mental issues. They lack the capacity to react differently when they are overwhelmed. I’ve never physically attacked ANY man! Not a stranger and certainly not someone I cared about. They say “hurt people, hurt people.” But that does not excuse it or make it ok! If you don’t like her, just don’t waste your time. I tried to show my heart; to help him stop being so negative towards me. But in the end I realized doing that was hurting me. It started changing who I was. I wasn’t happy like I was before meeting him. And he wanted multiple partners, my complaints were making it hard for him to do that with ease. I was the problem for him because I knew my worth. When all he had to do was say he wasn’t ever going to be the man I thought he was in the beginning. Instead he kept selfishly holding on just to torment me.
To anyone who reads this. Please know that if anything happens to me by way of disappearing, poisonous illness or fatality, it is likely caused by James Schaeffer, Jahmelia (Andrea) Frederick or Marie (Carmelle) Racine or someone affiliated with them. I am in fear of my life right now. They refuse to stop. And I feel his attorney Chris Edward Schneider would be on board or a part of it. He used a victim blaming technique in court and had been stalking my social media as well, complete with printed photos of my activities. I get racist vibes from him as well so I wouldn’t put his involvement passed anything.
The emotional scars and trauma I was left to deal with wasn’t enough. James is trying to keep his false mask on by having others attempt to validate who he is. I’ve taken a break from social media in hopes they’ll find other means to occupy their energy.
Please know that I just want to live in peace.