Here's an open letter to the father of my child:
From the moment I met you I thought you were perfect. Everything i ever wanted. You were sweet, kind, caring, loyal, and even called in the middle of the night just so you could hear my voice. I thought I had everything. I thought I was lucky. But to my amazement you were nothing what I thought. Your sweet personality turned into victimizing every situation. Your kind words turned in to harsh statements and put downs. Your caring ways were not so caring and everything that was loyal about you disappeared. Our relationship was going downhill fast and everyone saw it but me.
I was in love. I was blind. But you weren't, and you saw everything first hand. I began pushing everyone away. I no longer had friends. I no longer had a relationship with my parents. I gave up everything for you while you gave up nothing for me. You tore me down, broke me apart, then built me up. So to me, I thought this was normal. I thought It was normal to fight with the one you loved. I thought it was normal for them to emotionally and physically destroy everything in you. And why!? Because the next day you always bought me flowers and wrote me a sorry letter. You surprised me at work with my favorite things and Took me out on nice dates. You were there with me, and for me 24/7. YOU were my best friend. But what I realized was you were only there because I had no one else. You were there because you pulled me away from everything else, and everyone I loved. So ultimately, I was stuck with you and only you.
You cheated. You left me for someone else. Someone "better" and never told me why. You proposed to her a week later. You thought you were happy. But you weren't. You told me you missed me. Told me you were sorry. Told me you loved me. Of course, I took you back. I barley graduated high school because I was so wrapped up in you. Making you happy. Giving you my all. I was physically and emotionally drained. I graduated in May with a gpa I am not proud of. Two months later on the Fourth of July I find out I'm pregnant. 17 years old, just graduated, horrible relationship with my parents, no friends....and pregnant!
Sitting in the bathroom starring at what my life will now be, tears rushing down my face while you are jumping with joy. I was scared, nervous, and anxious. While you were happy, joyful, and excited to be a daddy. I knew my life would never be the same. The next few months were horror. Things got worse, much worse. You said things and did things I will never forget, and I saw things that still haunt me to this day. But I always forgave you. I always loved you. Then the day came. Everyone was in our room, happy, and waiting for the arrival of what I thought would make everything better. Our beautiful 6lb 6oz handsome bundle was born February 18th, at 1:33 am. That day your friends and my family came to the hospital to see our little boy. That night you slept while I gazed at my whole world. I finally felt whole again. Finally felt like my life mattered. I finally felt loved.
You on the other hand began to drift away. I wanted you to be the best dad I knew you could be. But you didn't want that. You aren't around and my son doesn't know who you are. You lost everything while I gained it. It's not that my son doesn't know you because I kept him from you. My son doesn't know you because you chose not to know him. You have missed every milestone in his life and the three most important years. You have missed holidays, birthdays, and everything in between. You will not be there to teach him how to ride a bike or attend his first day of school. You will not be around to teach him how to play sports or pee standing up. You will not be around to teach him how to be a man and I'm glad you are not. I am here teaching him everything your not and I will be the one to raise our son. I will raise my son to respect women so that one day he will not be in your position, receiving a letter like this from the mother of his child.
I have not had contact with you in over a year now and I'm hoping this letter finds you. I want to tell you thank you. Thank you for showing me everything that I never wanted. Thank you for showing me what I deserve and not what I need. Thank you for making me into a stronger woman than I ever thought I would be. I want to thank you for not only making me a mother but a father too. But most importantly, thank you for giving me the best gift ever, and the only piece of you I will never regret.
I also want to tell you that I forgive you. I forgive you for being the worst part of me and the best part of me. I forgive you for every put down you've said to me and every hand you laid on me. I forgive you for not loving me how I loved you. I forgive you for me not, for you. I forgive you because I need to be free. Free of hate. Free of bad intentions. Free of Ill words. From this moment on I am free and so are you!
Respectfully,
your past and the mother of your child.
